Gymnophobia

Onsen. Sento. Public bathing. Nude.
Onsen is a natural hot spring with various types of minerals in the naturally hot water from the ground pumped into a large pool. They range in colors, murkiness, and smells. In Hakuba, I sat in a brownish muddy pool that smelled like egg. And upon exiting, felt like a peice of warmed jello ready for a beer then bed.

Sento is like a prettier version of the jacuzzi style pools you see in fitness clubs. Ever notice the old asian ladies chatting away for what may seem like hours?
The sento I visited tonight was quite fancy. It had several types of baths of varying temperatures and mineral combinations. The common temperature was 41.5C or about 106F.

My favorite tub was the "teacup" as I called it. It is like a 1 person bath that's circular and colorful that come in a line. So you sit in the teacup and let yr legs hang out of the other side, and you feel like that mouse at the mad tea party. The coolest part is that you have two teacups besides you where your friends can boil. And you just chill and chat.

My second favorite was the rock waterfall. Now, these particular tubs were outside where the temperature is about 4C. But after simmering in your cup, you can go lean against these warm rocks while warm water flows over you. The combination of the water and the cold air is truly fantastic.

After rinsing and dressing, I felt that kind of tired that I often compare to as Disneyland in the mid-eighties. You know, when you have spent the entire day walking around the park, standing in line through the heat, and excitement of youth. Once it hits your bedtime of about 9pm, you suddenly become so tired that you can no longer walk. You become irritable and cry, and finally pass out in your dad's arms as your waiting for the tram to take you back to the car. After arriving home, it becomes incomprehensible to awake and walk to your bed, and again must be carried.

This was how I felt.

But I came home, grew very awake from the chill of my apartment, and decided to tell you about onsen.

Gymnophobia is the fear of nudity. In Japan, one showers sitting on a small stool, publicly. Then enters the baths nude. Everyone walks around naked like it's no big deal. I really admire this sense of freedom, but on the other hand, cannot ignore my western sense of naked shame. True, after every onsen experience i've had so far, I quickly get over my embarrassment at walking around naked, but the first 10 minutes is quite difficult indeed.

Another thing, is tattoos are not very welcome in onsen. But I think that since my tattoo is of a very talented, and wise bird, maybe they overlook it. It's a very cute owl, I must say. Oh, ya, and I'm yakuza.* So you best be checkin' in yr attitude at the door, yo.


*Yakusa-Japanese mafia

Renewal

I heard a mate talking about how the first cherry blossoms has been spotted. A very early sign of spring. Global warming. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But even in this early hour, i feel renewed. Like I went to the lake in Zelda where your hearts are filled again. My heart was filled by Japan again. Perhaps it's because I'm back to the routine. Teaching classes again, chilling with the peeps again, not talking to myself anymore. Ya. Here's some reminders of what's been etched into my brain.

Nani ga daisuki ka?

I will admit that i feel responsible for a few of the opinions that my sister holds. I have had my moments of relating what love is, and what sex is, and what human relations are, to her. Though I don't believe that I have an entire effect on the kid, i still think that some of my ideas were definitely wrong at the time. And, even as short as a year ago, I was wrong. And it goes without saying that I think my beliefs now are a bit more on the level. I mean, I'm older and wiser, right? Ne? Well, I am progressively getting older on quite a stable timeline, and age does not equal wise, that I learned, for sure. But, I hope to be different from all the other aging bastards.
I like to believe that I am on the side of truth and happiness---two virtues that rarely converge. And in admitting so, I find a greater challenge in life.

But, something that I wish that I could tell her should I be at home, in my room, with her hanging around like an annoying younger sibling often does. If I had that, right now, I'd tell her these things about love:

Love isn't about cute or sexy, or physical attraction--

Yes, I'm still a sucker for cute, sexy and delicious attraction---I'm suffering from the affliction as we speak, but it isn't love. It is something else. It is the past, or what we've learned in the past to be beauty. It is what our eyes and hands want to love.
But deary, our eyes and our hands are not trustable things. And the eye fails eventually. And the things our eye catches also fail eventually. Oh baby, much faster than we'd ever believe. It's so sad. If only beauty, style, and demeanor were everything! If that were so, i'd place all my bets now. I'm quite the idiot!

Love is extremely impermanent. Love is just a reflection in the air. Like a rainbow after a storm. It happens quickly. The suddenness of love is shocking and beautiful, and something that isn't to be reckoned with. I wish what I was saying wasn't true, and i wish that i could say love was like the Roman Coliseum, or like fire. But it's not, because love exists in humans; things that exist impermanently.

Love can last a lifetime. Now doesn't that contradict everything I've said thus far?
Well, it does, and it is proven. Mothers love their children until they die. Mothers, that is. Or Children, if so nature intends....Love will last a lifetime should it be pure.

But sexual love, or love based on attraction, or love based on anything but familial connection.....is not forever. Because people change. And lovers cannot handle when what they fell in love with changes. It's too disappointing! How dare the escape we desire eventually become what we've always known? Sexual love, it is a bitch.

But love is something that exists. If only we could make it what we'd like it to be. If only what we loved would stay that way forever. If only we were all mothers who loved our children, and regarded everyone as our children, or our brothers and sisters.

She-Goat

How is time measured again?
I forgot.
Some time will pass and memories will revive with Spring.



"....for in her are realized all the impossible and chimerical attributes of beauty which poets give to their ladies."---

Arduous chasm through myth and fantasm

The body is a machine that runs like any other machine, needing energy, maintenance and a source of power. These machines have been programmed with auto-piloting devices. These control panels are located in the "brain". Should you wish pimp out your machine, there are various ways to do this.

You can invest in the engine, the outer body, or the electrical systems. Though some sages of myth and fantasm have proclaimed that to best guide and keep a healthy frame, one must be clear in mind, body and spirit. This can be a very difficult task for some people. Yes, an arduous task for one like me.

I am afraid one cannot find both truth and comfort in the same breath. And in forcing my mind to open, i cannot keep in fear of debasers, thieves and squatters. I have to leave it open to the weather, passersby, and time. And think nothing of the consequences. Because I'm not sure if i believe in reward or consequence anymore.
Life is a series of loopholes.

Believing is incredibly difficult these days, so i prefer to avoid seeking, and instead focus. Simple, calm, and focus.
I'd like to have fortunate beliefs, but i'm okay with what i can believe in. But that doesnt mean that i don't admire its beauty. The existence of fortunes is a happy existence.
I wish to bring the beauty of the world inside me. I would guess beauty feels very nice inside oneself.




The depth cannot be measured without diving in exploration. And don't mention science! That's just another belief system.

Normal Tobes, ja nai

I thought i grew up years ago. I thought i was a real adult. I thought i was able to make decisions now. And i thought i learned from all of you. I thought so many things before i thought what i thought right now. Because right now, i still feel like a kid. I feel like i still don't know. Maybe i think a time will come when all the answers will arrive. But they haven't, and I'm still finding myself comforted by big, colorful dolls who just seem so soft and cute. And i'm still distracted by cute. But there is cute, and there is cute-sexy, and fuckin' hella sexy cute. And i'm still distracted by all of those things. So i don't think i'm grown up yet. I don't think i'm a real adult quite now. So let us still play. Lest those of you who still know how to play, can join me. Big. Fellow. Balloon. and Fun!