The truth is, that I wanted to write about the state of affairs these days, but frankly, i'm just too exhausted. I'm sick of listening to it, reading about it, caring about it. I know this mentality is dangerous, but I'm taking a break from it.
So, I lied. I will not write about anything radioactive, though I will still continue to drink my water from my purified water tank and wash my leafy vegetables with soap, and soak them for a long time, before eating. I've also haven't put any bare feet (nor hands) into the ocean yet this summer, despite living a 5 minute walk from the shore and visiting it often.
It's a real shame to yearn for what we once had.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Friday, June 03, 2011
UPCOMING POST (6/8/2011) : The Continuance of the Daiichi's
In terms of the ongoing Fukushima Daiichi dilemna, alot is being covered up, criticized, leaked.
With conflicting stories and government ambiguity, most people don't know what to believe and have no choice but to put it into the back of their mind and just keep living their life.
I'll write about my own experience about what news articles I've read, which ones I believe and don't believe, what my activist friends are talking about, what a Japanese protest looks like, and what I'm still doing living here despite my feelings of mistrust and confusion.
My story will come the next few days. I need some time to review all the materials I've read over the past couple of months.
If you have anything you'd like to send which is critical for me to read and write about in relation to this subject, please send me the link by email or Facebook.
See you Wednesday!
Below:
A protest sign worn by a senior activist in Shizuoka ken, who opposes Hamaoka Power plant, where a controversial aging nuclear power plant, similar in design to Daiichi, sits next to the coast on a huge fault predicted for a huge earthquake.
Below:
His shirt reads "hantai" which means "against, or opposing" in Japanese.
With conflicting stories and government ambiguity, most people don't know what to believe and have no choice but to put it into the back of their mind and just keep living their life.
I'll write about my own experience about what news articles I've read, which ones I believe and don't believe, what my activist friends are talking about, what a Japanese protest looks like, and what I'm still doing living here despite my feelings of mistrust and confusion.
My story will come the next few days. I need some time to review all the materials I've read over the past couple of months.
If you have anything you'd like to send which is critical for me to read and write about in relation to this subject, please send me the link by email or Facebook.
See you Wednesday!
Below:
A protest sign worn by a senior activist in Shizuoka ken, who opposes Hamaoka Power plant, where a controversial aging nuclear power plant, similar in design to Daiichi, sits next to the coast on a huge fault predicted for a huge earthquake.
Below:
His shirt reads "hantai" which means "against, or opposing" in Japanese.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Miyako
The ocean had charged over a wall built specifically for tsunami-protection, and boats had trespassed onto the land where people were living. It was devastating.
You have probably seen the events captured in Miyako in the following video.
Miyako City on March 11th, 2011
After seeing this footage when arriving at Dominic's house on the night of the quake, I couldn't ignore the silent calls for help which each video induced. During the week after the earthquake and while things were getting crazy in Fukushima, I wished that I could go up there and do something, help in some way. When I had returned from my "escape" to Nagoya, I felt a bit guilty for running away instead of helping and doing something useful. I was embarrassed by my freak out and joined a food drive the next day after coming back to Tokyo.
Below: A link of pictures from volunteering at Second Harvest, as well as the link on how to volunteer with food drives.
Pictures from one day of many in the life of the Second Harvest food collection center
Second Harvest's website
It was an awesome feeling to bring items to the volunteer site, separate them into boxes, load them onto a truck and watch the truck drive away toward the direction of Miyagi-ken. After that, I knew that I wanted to help in other ways, and a few weeks later, a group of Shizuoka JETs sent out a notice calling for volunteers to join them to clean up mud from houses in the worst hit areas. Upon reading the Facebook event page, I called Chu and asked if she'd mind if we spent our Golden Week volunteering this year. I was happy when she jumped on board.
Our group originally intended to volunteer in Ishinomaki City, by Sendai, and soon we all began researching and preparing for the venture. Days before our departure, we received a notification by an organizer reporting that the volunteer expedition for the town of Ishinomaki was overbooked. An organization called Peaceboat had attracted so many volunteers during Golden week, that there was no longer enough room for us to lodge in the campsite area. Though I was initially disappointed, I was extremely happy to hear that there were TOO MANY volunteers. That's awesome.
So instead, our organizer researched for other volunteering options, and finally decided on a mission in a more northern city of Japan, called Miyako in Iwate City, where our services were still needed. The above video shows the events of March 11th, and when we arrived, it wasn't immediately apparent that this was the same town. Unlike what the news was reporting, the town did not seem to be in total upheaval. In fact, across the bridge from the most heavily affected areas, shops, restaurants, supermarkets and other businesses were open and running as usual. In fact, as we drove into town, we wondered if we had really arrived at the same town as the video had described merely 2 months earlier.
Chu, Emiko, and I drove for almost an entire night in order to get the group to the site on time in the morning. I was very impressed, but also a bit scared of Chu's diligence in insisting that she was awake enough to drive. After a while, I realized she wasn't able to make any sense and convinced her to stop off the side of a road and let me drive. Since we drove through the night after a long day of gathering supplies, we were too exhausted to shovel the mud that they had led us too. The others in our group performed like champions, since they were able to sleep throughout the night.
Below: Arriving in Miyako
Once we arrived and put on our gear, gathered our shovels and headed out to the riverbed, where we were assigned to shovel mud off the stifled grass, did we see any hints of the catastrophe.
Above photo taken by Nicholas Austria
Below is a panoramic shot of the river where the ocean flowed upstream. Can you see the car still stuck in the middle of the water?
The waters had not only flooded the town, but also raged upsteam on the river and ruined much of the area. Below are some pictures of what it looked like 2 months later.
Below: A little girl plays as usual on a noticeably broken play structure in the middle of the park, not far from where we were shoveling the mud off of the suffocating grass.
But unfortunately, Chu and I slept through most of the mud clean-up. It was one of the guiltiest sleeps I'd had in a long time. I wanted so much to be out there shoveling to make the grass grow, but after 30 hours of being awake, I couldn't shovel for more than 30 minutes, and had to nap. Later that day, as everyone came in from their manual labor jobs, we had connected with some folks who were staying at one of the local shelters.
Before the trip, I had asked students to bring a piece of fruit to school as a donation for the people in the shelters. Due to an article I had read from other volunteers, the article had mentioned that though many people were eating rice and soup, that they were requesting fresh fruit and vegetables. Because of this article, I made a poster asking for donations from students, and I collected them in 2 boxes and packed them in the car. The students also wrote letters and drew cute pictures of encouragement for the people.
BELOW: The boxes of fruit in the car.
Luckily when I asked about how to donate the fruit to a local shelter, the organizer in Miyako, Owen, introduced me to two Japanese volunteers who had been visiting a local shelter housing 44 people, mostly seniors. James, Chu and I drove to the Miyako Culture center which had been converted into a shelter and we gave them the fruit and letters that the students had donated. The director of the center was out in the town at that time, and we were asked to wait until she returned. During this time, they were setting up the dinner tables, which were composed of donated beef and rice bowls, and homemade miso soup and pickles.
Below: The shelter that we visited
>
The next day we gathered in front of the volunteer center promptly at 9am in order to await our assigned volunteer positions for the day. They assigned our group to work on setting up the Children's Day (こどもの日） festival which featured semi-famous wrestlers from Northern Japan, food and game booths, as well as various activities for the children. All the food, drinks and entertainment were free for the families who attended, as many of them were people living in shelters.
On a side note, I didn't have any "outdoor work" clothing, so one of the shirts I packed was a comfy tee which I had "borrowed" from my dad many years ago. It's his old communication worker's union shirt. I hadn't realized at the time, and not until I saw the pictures of myself taken by Chu when I was working the free drink booth, that I realized how extremely frightening I appeared. I ought to take you back to the morning when the winds were blowing, and the white powder used to clean and disinfect the park's cement was blowing into my mouth and eyes. So I put on one of the paper masks that had been suggested for us to pack for this volunteer trip. In order to make the mask appear cute, I attempted to draw upon it the face of Rilakuma. Regardless of my attempts to cheer up the children, I later realized after seeing my photo, that the reason children were hesitant to take free juice and tea from me wasn't because I was a "gaijin" (which I had thought at the time), but that I looked like mad surgical metalhead. What was I thinking?!?
Below: What was I thinking?!?!
Below: Chu in her workman's clothes and the infamous white powder on the ground.
BELOW: A PICTURE OF OUR SHIZUOKA TEAM
Nicholas Austria, Michael J. Davis, Owen Cunningham, Adam Kennedy, Toby Siguenza, Emi(ko) Suzuki, Karen J. Smith
Photo provided by Nicholas Austria
BELOW: No words
Photo taken by Nicholas Austria
As I mentioned before, a bridge separates two areas of town. On one side, business are running as usual, streets are clear, buildings are standing. And on the other, wreckage has been cleared from the streets and line their periphery. The wall still stands from where the water invaded this port town.
Below: The tsunami barrier withstood
In the center of the port lies a pile of rubbish which has been moved from the streets and walkways. The pile stands higher than the initial waves that rolled inland.
Below: The wall of rubbish and a lone vending machine
Everybody who lives on the coast of Japan knows that this could happen at any time. In all coastal villages and cities, there are tsunami preparations and warning signs to remind people to constantly be prepared for catastrophe. I will admit that it frightens me to see tsunami warnings in my own neighborhood, as my apartment stands 2 km away from the shore, and the port (about 30 minutes away on foot) closely resembles the one in these pictures. In fact, so much seems similar that I have begun to wonder if ports have a single building construction template.
Below: a tsunami warning
Below: A sign that has been eerily whipped around, now pointing toward the sea rather than the hills where it was originally placed.
My intentions in mentioning the following is to remind the readers that we are not separated from the people still suffering from this calamity. My friends in Japan are all susceptible to these events, and my family and loved ones in California also live in an earthquake prone environment, by the ocean. This event could have easily happened to most of the people reading this entry. So please consider this message when you are reminded about these tragedies in Northern Japan. People are still suffering, cleaning, and needing of help. And whether it be money, supplies or volunteering time, your help is still very much needed even now.
Below: Video of driving through the disaster area, where the streets have been cleared.
On the drive home, because of our departure timing, our needing to arrive home on time for work the next day, and our need of a rest break for the 3 people driving 2 cars, we found ourselves at a overnight bathhouse in Fukushima prefecture. The people on our trip were real troopers, and nobody objected to the fact that we were staying the night around 50 km away from the afflicted Daiichi nuclear reactor site. I'll admit that despite feeling a little uncomfortable, I was easily calmed by the state of normalcy in the area. Everything was going on the same as in any other part of Japan.
While waiting in the lobby for Chu's car to catch up to us, two older women started a conversation with me asking where I was from. It's the most common ice-breaker. I told them America, but that I live in Shizuoka ken. They asked, "so what are you doing here in Morioka, Fukushima?" I was hesitant to answer because first of all, I didn't want to bring up the topic of the earthquake, current events, or volunteering. And secondly, I didn't know the proper vocabulary to explain our trip. [ボランテアをしました] just didn't feel like a proper explanation, for some reason.
Well, luckily, she answered her own question before my response had taken on a voice. "桜を見たかったの。” or "did you come to see the cherry blossoms?
You see, Shizuoka and Tokyo had already finished the short-lived cherry blossom season. Because these towns are further north, their cherry blossom season arrives a little later. In fact, during the drive through the beautiful countryside to Iwate, I did indeed partake in cherry blossom viewing from behind the van's windshield.
The morning drive was beautiful, and I was surprised that it took so long for cherry blossoms to bloom in the north. Two weeks had already passed from when I hanami-ed in Tokyo.
The smile on her face and cheerful sound in her voice when asking me if my group of foreigner friends had come to Morioka, the capital of Fukushima prefecture, in order to see some cherry blossoms, made an impression on me. It was a mixed impression, on one hand my heart melted from her innocence to think that was the case. On the other hand, I was surprised that she could still maintain that innocence after an incident of such a wide-scale, internationally-known disaster.
Either way, I ignored my thoughts, smiled and said, "はい、本当にきれいでした."
Yes, they were really beautiful.
Below: A lone sakura fallen on the mud soon to be shoveled off the suffocated grass.
You have probably seen the events captured in Miyako in the following video.
Miyako City on March 11th, 2011
After seeing this footage when arriving at Dominic's house on the night of the quake, I couldn't ignore the silent calls for help which each video induced. During the week after the earthquake and while things were getting crazy in Fukushima, I wished that I could go up there and do something, help in some way. When I had returned from my "escape" to Nagoya, I felt a bit guilty for running away instead of helping and doing something useful. I was embarrassed by my freak out and joined a food drive the next day after coming back to Tokyo.
Below: A link of pictures from volunteering at Second Harvest, as well as the link on how to volunteer with food drives.
Pictures from one day of many in the life of the Second Harvest food collection center
Second Harvest's website
It was an awesome feeling to bring items to the volunteer site, separate them into boxes, load them onto a truck and watch the truck drive away toward the direction of Miyagi-ken. After that, I knew that I wanted to help in other ways, and a few weeks later, a group of Shizuoka JETs sent out a notice calling for volunteers to join them to clean up mud from houses in the worst hit areas. Upon reading the Facebook event page, I called Chu and asked if she'd mind if we spent our Golden Week volunteering this year. I was happy when she jumped on board.
Our group originally intended to volunteer in Ishinomaki City, by Sendai, and soon we all began researching and preparing for the venture. Days before our departure, we received a notification by an organizer reporting that the volunteer expedition for the town of Ishinomaki was overbooked. An organization called Peaceboat had attracted so many volunteers during Golden week, that there was no longer enough room for us to lodge in the campsite area. Though I was initially disappointed, I was extremely happy to hear that there were TOO MANY volunteers. That's awesome.
So instead, our organizer researched for other volunteering options, and finally decided on a mission in a more northern city of Japan, called Miyako in Iwate City, where our services were still needed. The above video shows the events of March 11th, and when we arrived, it wasn't immediately apparent that this was the same town. Unlike what the news was reporting, the town did not seem to be in total upheaval. In fact, across the bridge from the most heavily affected areas, shops, restaurants, supermarkets and other businesses were open and running as usual. In fact, as we drove into town, we wondered if we had really arrived at the same town as the video had described merely 2 months earlier.
Chu, Emiko, and I drove for almost an entire night in order to get the group to the site on time in the morning. I was very impressed, but also a bit scared of Chu's diligence in insisting that she was awake enough to drive. After a while, I realized she wasn't able to make any sense and convinced her to stop off the side of a road and let me drive. Since we drove through the night after a long day of gathering supplies, we were too exhausted to shovel the mud that they had led us too. The others in our group performed like champions, since they were able to sleep throughout the night.
Below: Arriving in Miyako
Once we arrived and put on our gear, gathered our shovels and headed out to the riverbed, where we were assigned to shovel mud off the stifled grass, did we see any hints of the catastrophe.
Above photo taken by Nicholas Austria
Below is a panoramic shot of the river where the ocean flowed upstream. Can you see the car still stuck in the middle of the water?
The waters had not only flooded the town, but also raged upsteam on the river and ruined much of the area. Below are some pictures of what it looked like 2 months later.
Below: A little girl plays as usual on a noticeably broken play structure in the middle of the park, not far from where we were shoveling the mud off of the suffocating grass.
But unfortunately, Chu and I slept through most of the mud clean-up. It was one of the guiltiest sleeps I'd had in a long time. I wanted so much to be out there shoveling to make the grass grow, but after 30 hours of being awake, I couldn't shovel for more than 30 minutes, and had to nap. Later that day, as everyone came in from their manual labor jobs, we had connected with some folks who were staying at one of the local shelters.
Before the trip, I had asked students to bring a piece of fruit to school as a donation for the people in the shelters. Due to an article I had read from other volunteers, the article had mentioned that though many people were eating rice and soup, that they were requesting fresh fruit and vegetables. Because of this article, I made a poster asking for donations from students, and I collected them in 2 boxes and packed them in the car. The students also wrote letters and drew cute pictures of encouragement for the people.
BELOW: The boxes of fruit in the car.
Luckily when I asked about how to donate the fruit to a local shelter, the organizer in Miyako, Owen, introduced me to two Japanese volunteers who had been visiting a local shelter housing 44 people, mostly seniors. James, Chu and I drove to the Miyako Culture center which had been converted into a shelter and we gave them the fruit and letters that the students had donated. The director of the center was out in the town at that time, and we were asked to wait until she returned. During this time, they were setting up the dinner tables, which were composed of donated beef and rice bowls, and homemade miso soup and pickles.
Below: The shelter that we visited
>
The next day we gathered in front of the volunteer center promptly at 9am in order to await our assigned volunteer positions for the day. They assigned our group to work on setting up the Children's Day (こどもの日） festival which featured semi-famous wrestlers from Northern Japan, food and game booths, as well as various activities for the children. All the food, drinks and entertainment were free for the families who attended, as many of them were people living in shelters.
On a side note, I didn't have any "outdoor work" clothing, so one of the shirts I packed was a comfy tee which I had "borrowed" from my dad many years ago. It's his old communication worker's union shirt. I hadn't realized at the time, and not until I saw the pictures of myself taken by Chu when I was working the free drink booth, that I realized how extremely frightening I appeared. I ought to take you back to the morning when the winds were blowing, and the white powder used to clean and disinfect the park's cement was blowing into my mouth and eyes. So I put on one of the paper masks that had been suggested for us to pack for this volunteer trip. In order to make the mask appear cute, I attempted to draw upon it the face of Rilakuma. Regardless of my attempts to cheer up the children, I later realized after seeing my photo, that the reason children were hesitant to take free juice and tea from me wasn't because I was a "gaijin" (which I had thought at the time), but that I looked like mad surgical metalhead. What was I thinking?!?
Below: What was I thinking?!?!
Below: Chu in her workman's clothes and the infamous white powder on the ground.
BELOW: A PICTURE OF OUR SHIZUOKA TEAM
Nicholas Austria, Michael J. Davis, Owen Cunningham, Adam Kennedy, Toby Siguenza, Emi(ko) Suzuki, Karen J. Smith
Photo provided by Nicholas Austria
BELOW: No words
Photo taken by Nicholas Austria
As I mentioned before, a bridge separates two areas of town. On one side, business are running as usual, streets are clear, buildings are standing. And on the other, wreckage has been cleared from the streets and line their periphery. The wall still stands from where the water invaded this port town.
Below: The tsunami barrier withstood
In the center of the port lies a pile of rubbish which has been moved from the streets and walkways. The pile stands higher than the initial waves that rolled inland.
Below: The wall of rubbish and a lone vending machine
Everybody who lives on the coast of Japan knows that this could happen at any time. In all coastal villages and cities, there are tsunami preparations and warning signs to remind people to constantly be prepared for catastrophe. I will admit that it frightens me to see tsunami warnings in my own neighborhood, as my apartment stands 2 km away from the shore, and the port (about 30 minutes away on foot) closely resembles the one in these pictures. In fact, so much seems similar that I have begun to wonder if ports have a single building construction template.
Below: a tsunami warning
Below: A sign that has been eerily whipped around, now pointing toward the sea rather than the hills where it was originally placed.
My intentions in mentioning the following is to remind the readers that we are not separated from the people still suffering from this calamity. My friends in Japan are all susceptible to these events, and my family and loved ones in California also live in an earthquake prone environment, by the ocean. This event could have easily happened to most of the people reading this entry. So please consider this message when you are reminded about these tragedies in Northern Japan. People are still suffering, cleaning, and needing of help. And whether it be money, supplies or volunteering time, your help is still very much needed even now.
Below: Video of driving through the disaster area, where the streets have been cleared.
On the drive home, because of our departure timing, our needing to arrive home on time for work the next day, and our need of a rest break for the 3 people driving 2 cars, we found ourselves at a overnight bathhouse in Fukushima prefecture. The people on our trip were real troopers, and nobody objected to the fact that we were staying the night around 50 km away from the afflicted Daiichi nuclear reactor site. I'll admit that despite feeling a little uncomfortable, I was easily calmed by the state of normalcy in the area. Everything was going on the same as in any other part of Japan.
While waiting in the lobby for Chu's car to catch up to us, two older women started a conversation with me asking where I was from. It's the most common ice-breaker. I told them America, but that I live in Shizuoka ken. They asked, "so what are you doing here in Morioka, Fukushima?" I was hesitant to answer because first of all, I didn't want to bring up the topic of the earthquake, current events, or volunteering. And secondly, I didn't know the proper vocabulary to explain our trip. [ボランテアをしました] just didn't feel like a proper explanation, for some reason.
Well, luckily, she answered her own question before my response had taken on a voice. "桜を見たかったの。” or "did you come to see the cherry blossoms?
You see, Shizuoka and Tokyo had already finished the short-lived cherry blossom season. Because these towns are further north, their cherry blossom season arrives a little later. In fact, during the drive through the beautiful countryside to Iwate, I did indeed partake in cherry blossom viewing from behind the van's windshield.
The morning drive was beautiful, and I was surprised that it took so long for cherry blossoms to bloom in the north. Two weeks had already passed from when I hanami-ed in Tokyo.
The smile on her face and cheerful sound in her voice when asking me if my group of foreigner friends had come to Morioka, the capital of Fukushima prefecture, in order to see some cherry blossoms, made an impression on me. It was a mixed impression, on one hand my heart melted from her innocence to think that was the case. On the other hand, I was surprised that she could still maintain that innocence after an incident of such a wide-scale, internationally-known disaster.
Either way, I ignored my thoughts, smiled and said, "はい、本当にきれいでした."
Yes, they were really beautiful.
Below: A lone sakura fallen on the mud soon to be shoveled off the suffocated grass.
Off to Nagoya
After the explosions at the Fukushima Daiichi nuclear plants, I became alarmed. Obviously. As did the whole world, right? Friends from every corner of the globe began to contact me to encourage me to fly home, and of course, so did family. I don't know if you could realize how strong the pull is of your mother begging you to get on the next plane out of a place shown on the news to be radioactively polluted.
But that is what happened.
My family and friends began to call and email, saying that they heard that Japan was a danger zone. However, within Japan, all news seemed to say that things were not that dangerous. Unfortunately, I am not fluent enough in Japanese to be able to read or understand Japanese news sources, so all I had to depend on was outside news.
This created a problem between Chu and I, because we were getting conflicting news updates. It caused a huge fight between us on the night after the Fukushima plants exploded. The yellow skies on the next day didn't help matters. I felt like Tokyo was a ticking time bomb, about to explode into dangerous zombie inducing air at any moment. However, from her perspective, things were bad but not at all apocalyptical.
Though, on that day, most of our close friends were already fleeing Tokyo towards foreign lands or at least more western/southern areas of Japan. I insisted that we leave the next day, but she insisted that she would stay and finish her jobs and meet up with me later. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to accept that. We already had problems that balanced on the fact that I didn't believe that she'd follow through on plans that involved our future, so when she refused to leave Tokyo, I thought that our relationship had hit our usual wall, only this time the issue in question was at the time, our lives. After a fight that left me in beers and tears, and her yelling at me in a way unlike any I had seen before, I gave up and fell asleep. The next day, she called me and said that she was ready to leave Tokyo because she thought it was too dangerous.
It wasn't until she had met up with me, and I handed her the Shinkansen ticket that she admitted that she didn't really think we should leave. She told me that she didn't believe that things were unsafe, but came with me because I was scared about not only the radiation, but also our relationship. She came because she thought this might be the final straw that might break up our relationship. I didn't say it at the time, but actually, that situation just might have done us in. Although I was later proven wrong, and it was actually safe enough to stay in Tokyo, I would have never been able to believe that she'd stand by me when I thought something was important enough to act upon, and to take a stand. This experience had exposed something about our relationship that couldn't be learned in any typical circumstance, and it is that it's strong and built on real love, the kind that you risk your job, health, and even life for.
So, we went to our friends' house in Nagoya. Lesley and Collen are awesome girls and let us stay at their humble abode. They had their own drama about the situation going on in Japan, dealing with their own families. By joining them, we could connect with others who felt the chasm between fear and the chasm between loyalty to our second home, Japan, and our family's worries. I can't express how much these ladies, as well as Chu, have done to make me feel like Japan is a good home. Lesley and Colleen are some of the best hostesses I know. The day they arrived, they took us to their famous "Chicken Shack" (since Nagoya is famous for chicken, ya know). While dining there, we felt the large 6.0 quake in Shizuoka. The next day, Colleen suggested we get outside and take a little walk around some nature rather than sticking to the TV news. What a great idea. Just getting away from noise of news and breathing some fresh air that smells of tree felt great.
After the girls left to the airport in the afternoon, we slept there for one more night before deciding that perhaps things are going to be able to be maintained in Fukushima. We woke up bright and early at 6am the next morning and took a bus home. I had taken that opportunity to shop for a bag of rice, and emergency supplies which were sold out in most Tokyo supermarkets, donating it at Second Harvest.
Despite those days being terribly worrisome, I'll admit that it was great to have a chance to visit with Colleen and Lesley, even if it was under frightening circumstances.
But that is what happened.
My family and friends began to call and email, saying that they heard that Japan was a danger zone. However, within Japan, all news seemed to say that things were not that dangerous. Unfortunately, I am not fluent enough in Japanese to be able to read or understand Japanese news sources, so all I had to depend on was outside news.
This created a problem between Chu and I, because we were getting conflicting news updates. It caused a huge fight between us on the night after the Fukushima plants exploded. The yellow skies on the next day didn't help matters. I felt like Tokyo was a ticking time bomb, about to explode into dangerous zombie inducing air at any moment. However, from her perspective, things were bad but not at all apocalyptical.
Though, on that day, most of our close friends were already fleeing Tokyo towards foreign lands or at least more western/southern areas of Japan. I insisted that we leave the next day, but she insisted that she would stay and finish her jobs and meet up with me later. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to accept that. We already had problems that balanced on the fact that I didn't believe that she'd follow through on plans that involved our future, so when she refused to leave Tokyo, I thought that our relationship had hit our usual wall, only this time the issue in question was at the time, our lives. After a fight that left me in beers and tears, and her yelling at me in a way unlike any I had seen before, I gave up and fell asleep. The next day, she called me and said that she was ready to leave Tokyo because she thought it was too dangerous.
It wasn't until she had met up with me, and I handed her the Shinkansen ticket that she admitted that she didn't really think we should leave. She told me that she didn't believe that things were unsafe, but came with me because I was scared about not only the radiation, but also our relationship. She came because she thought this might be the final straw that might break up our relationship. I didn't say it at the time, but actually, that situation just might have done us in. Although I was later proven wrong, and it was actually safe enough to stay in Tokyo, I would have never been able to believe that she'd stand by me when I thought something was important enough to act upon, and to take a stand. This experience had exposed something about our relationship that couldn't be learned in any typical circumstance, and it is that it's strong and built on real love, the kind that you risk your job, health, and even life for.
So, we went to our friends' house in Nagoya. Lesley and Collen are awesome girls and let us stay at their humble abode. They had their own drama about the situation going on in Japan, dealing with their own families. By joining them, we could connect with others who felt the chasm between fear and the chasm between loyalty to our second home, Japan, and our family's worries. I can't express how much these ladies, as well as Chu, have done to make me feel like Japan is a good home. Lesley and Colleen are some of the best hostesses I know. The day they arrived, they took us to their famous "Chicken Shack" (since Nagoya is famous for chicken, ya know). While dining there, we felt the large 6.0 quake in Shizuoka. The next day, Colleen suggested we get outside and take a little walk around some nature rather than sticking to the TV news. What a great idea. Just getting away from noise of news and breathing some fresh air that smells of tree felt great.
After the girls left to the airport in the afternoon, we slept there for one more night before deciding that perhaps things are going to be able to be maintained in Fukushima. We woke up bright and early at 6am the next morning and took a bus home. I had taken that opportunity to shop for a bag of rice, and emergency supplies which were sold out in most Tokyo supermarkets, donating it at Second Harvest.
Despite those days being terribly worrisome, I'll admit that it was great to have a chance to visit with Colleen and Lesley, even if it was under frightening circumstances.
My mentality a few days after the Big Shake
I wrote the following one late night in bed after Chu fell asleep. Several aftershocks rocked our room during the typing process, so if you can forgive any melodrama, it may have been caused by the high amounts of adrenaline in my bloodstream at the time.
Escaping Fear Island
Fear Island, home to millions of people, has existed since the beginning of time. It’s a very real place, that most people have visited and many have made it their permanent residence. Despite having millions of occupants, it’s a very lonely place. Very scary things happen here: social strife, war, natural disasters, and every facet of the unknown. It’s a very natural place where people feel comfort yet discomfort simultaneously. It’s very small and difficult to leave, for as I said, it’s an island. It exists in both reality and fantasy, yet both penetrate the human psyche all the same.
Within this week, Japan, also an island (well, actually a collection of islands) has become an embodiment of Fear Island after a frighteningly large earthquake, terrifying multitudes of tsunami, only to follow with threats of nuclear radiation exposure.
Facts from the day of March 11th, 2011
The average earthquake is between a 2 and 5 magnitude. Half a million earthquakes happen within this range every year around the world. The average duration of an earthquake is between 1 and 2 minutes.
However, the Great Tohoku Earthquake, occurring 130 km (81 miles) east of Sendai, Miyagi-ken, Honshu Island, Japan measuring a magnitude of 9.0 shook Japan for over 4 minutes. Merely ten minutes later there was a 7.2 aftershock, just as the first of several 4m (13ft.) to 7.3m(24 ft.) tsunami washed upon the shores closest to the epicenter. Thousands of people experienced these waves firsthand and lost their lives to them. Millions felt the quaking from afar, and even more witnessed live and recorded footage of the events occurring on March 11, 2011. Within 2 hours, the land of the rising sun, an archipelago of 6,852 islands, 3rd largest world economy, inhabited by 127 million people transformed into “Fear Island”.
How did this happen?
Japan is one of the most earthquake prone countries in the world, and its residents have come to terms with this fact, thus forcing Japan to become one of the most “earthquake-ready” nations of the world. Despite this, on March 11th, 2011, Japan experienced the biggest earthquake within modern-recorded history and the 5th largest in the world’s modern history, with modern history being defined as the period after the earthquake scale system had been developed. Large earthquakes occurring in the ocean always raise a threat of tsunami, depending on the movement of the geological plates.
The epicenter of Fear Island
In any given period where one’s life is in danger, biology takes over. Depending on the threat, animals (including people) experience faster breathing and heart rate, difficulty seeing and hearing, dry mouth, shaking, and a difficulty in thinking and making rational decisions. This is often results in panicking, which can often take a long time to recover from.
Media
As a naturally social animal relying on both personal experience as well as communication and shared collectiveness to assess danger, humans are driven to seeking the fastest, most reliable source of information in order to protect their lives. Recent development of communication via the internet has made it easier for people to not only seek data, but to create it. Before social networking media such as Facebook, Twitter and Blogs, people relied on radio and T.V. to feed them the information that they needed. Though, as we’ve come to see through media such as Wikileaks, even those sources can sometimes be unreliable.
However, with the innovation and widespread popularity of the Internet, many people have become self-made reporters. In most cases, this phenomenon is positive as it helps to share opinions among friends, which often can’t or will make front page news.
Though, in the case of current events, this reliance on social media can also be a detriment. When people are desperately seeking accurate information in order to secure their lives, miscommunication and falsehood can damage the quality of their decisions. Misreports from an unreliable news source can cause people unnecessary panic. Since there is a very little regulation of news, one must learn to develop their skills of wading through massive amounts of both founded and unfounded news reports.
Refining your news reading skills
Here is some advice on how to read the news:
1) Who is writing the news story?
Is this person at the location of where the news is happening? Does this person have any real qualifications to assess the current situation? (Google their name and check their credentials) Are they who they say they are? Have they ever written on this topic before? Have they studied and published papers on the topic in which they claim to be “an expert”?) A simple Google search can often help credit or discredit how knowledgeable the writer or interviewee is on the topic.
2) What type of writing style does this writer employ in the news story?
a) Are they using the 1st or 3rd person point-of-view? 1st person is told from the perspective of “I”. For example, “I was on the 3rd floor of the building when the quake shook”. 3rd person uses words like “The Japan Meteorological agency reported a 9.0 quake.” Neither 1st nor 3rd person perspectives are more reliable than the other, however, it’s just good advice knowing what type of writing you are reading. Generally, objective reporting writes in a strict 3rd person point of view.
b) Is the report objective or subjective? Objective reporting tells the facts while subjective includes opinion, hearsay and speculations of the future or the unknown. Obviously, when seeking facts you should look for objective statements, and if you encounter a subjective statement, recognize what it is, and be aware that it’s just an opinion or prediction.
c) Does your news report contain many idiomatic statements? Professional reporters are trained to avoid using cliché statements and meaningless metaphors.
d) Is the news story filled with words of emotion? Oftentimes, the adjectives that writers use are added to the story in order to instill a specific emotion from the reader. Objective reporting does not rely on the crutches of unnecessary, emotional adjectives.
3. Fact check
Click on the links that reporters use in their stories. Do you feel like these links are reliable sources of information? Are they links that other reporters are using?
Focusing on the writing style of the news report that you are reading, from which you are forming your opinions, can be one of the best ways to educate yourself on whether or not to trust the source. By paying attention to these small details in your news, you can more easily discern which news is applicable and trustworthy in your decision-making of an emergency situation, as well as in informing yourself on your stance within political news.
The Aftermath
After undergoing the stress of a devastating situation, one needs to devise ways to escape “Fear Island”.
One suggestion is to help the victims and less fortunate who are suffering more than you. By taking action to bring aid to others, you are able to soothe your own emotional wounds. Besides offering others great help that they are not in a position to provide for themselves, taking action can divert your mind from your own suffering and worry. Besides that, it will bring you feelings of peacefulness to know your actions are positive rather than inactive.
Another suggestion is to express yourself and allow your feelings to escape your mind and body. Talk to your friends and family about your experiences and seek comfort in their responses. If you feel too inhibited to share, then take a look at these interview questions below, while taking time to answer them for yourself. Give yourself time to really think and express your thoughts on these subjects, and try to write your feelings down. Even if you can’t bring yourself to verbally express your emotions, sometimes the written word is enough and will suffice. Copy and paste the following interview questions and answer them. Delve into your emotions and experiences and allow them to flow. Share them if you wish. I promise that your friends and family care about and are interested in your thoughts and feelings. Sometimes even written responses help soothe the soul.
In these ways, I was able to escape Fear Island.
Interview questions
Where were you and what was on your mind during the quake? After the quake?
At what point did you realize, “This is big.”
How did you react to the mainstream media?
How did you react to the local media from your friends and family?
How did you cope through the first few days? The next week?
What are your feelings now about the situation?
What messages do you have for your friends and family living outside of the situation? Inside the situation?
How did their reaction make you feel?
What have you learned from all this?
How has this changed you?
What advice can you share with others?
Escaping Fear Island
Fear Island, home to millions of people, has existed since the beginning of time. It’s a very real place, that most people have visited and many have made it their permanent residence. Despite having millions of occupants, it’s a very lonely place. Very scary things happen here: social strife, war, natural disasters, and every facet of the unknown. It’s a very natural place where people feel comfort yet discomfort simultaneously. It’s very small and difficult to leave, for as I said, it’s an island. It exists in both reality and fantasy, yet both penetrate the human psyche all the same.
Within this week, Japan, also an island (well, actually a collection of islands) has become an embodiment of Fear Island after a frighteningly large earthquake, terrifying multitudes of tsunami, only to follow with threats of nuclear radiation exposure.
Facts from the day of March 11th, 2011
The average earthquake is between a 2 and 5 magnitude. Half a million earthquakes happen within this range every year around the world. The average duration of an earthquake is between 1 and 2 minutes.
However, the Great Tohoku Earthquake, occurring 130 km (81 miles) east of Sendai, Miyagi-ken, Honshu Island, Japan measuring a magnitude of 9.0 shook Japan for over 4 minutes. Merely ten minutes later there was a 7.2 aftershock, just as the first of several 4m (13ft.) to 7.3m(24 ft.) tsunami washed upon the shores closest to the epicenter. Thousands of people experienced these waves firsthand and lost their lives to them. Millions felt the quaking from afar, and even more witnessed live and recorded footage of the events occurring on March 11, 2011. Within 2 hours, the land of the rising sun, an archipelago of 6,852 islands, 3rd largest world economy, inhabited by 127 million people transformed into “Fear Island”.
How did this happen?
Japan is one of the most earthquake prone countries in the world, and its residents have come to terms with this fact, thus forcing Japan to become one of the most “earthquake-ready” nations of the world. Despite this, on March 11th, 2011, Japan experienced the biggest earthquake within modern-recorded history and the 5th largest in the world’s modern history, with modern history being defined as the period after the earthquake scale system had been developed. Large earthquakes occurring in the ocean always raise a threat of tsunami, depending on the movement of the geological plates.
The epicenter of Fear Island
In any given period where one’s life is in danger, biology takes over. Depending on the threat, animals (including people) experience faster breathing and heart rate, difficulty seeing and hearing, dry mouth, shaking, and a difficulty in thinking and making rational decisions. This is often results in panicking, which can often take a long time to recover from.
Media
As a naturally social animal relying on both personal experience as well as communication and shared collectiveness to assess danger, humans are driven to seeking the fastest, most reliable source of information in order to protect their lives. Recent development of communication via the internet has made it easier for people to not only seek data, but to create it. Before social networking media such as Facebook, Twitter and Blogs, people relied on radio and T.V. to feed them the information that they needed. Though, as we’ve come to see through media such as Wikileaks, even those sources can sometimes be unreliable.
However, with the innovation and widespread popularity of the Internet, many people have become self-made reporters. In most cases, this phenomenon is positive as it helps to share opinions among friends, which often can’t or will make front page news.
Though, in the case of current events, this reliance on social media can also be a detriment. When people are desperately seeking accurate information in order to secure their lives, miscommunication and falsehood can damage the quality of their decisions. Misreports from an unreliable news source can cause people unnecessary panic. Since there is a very little regulation of news, one must learn to develop their skills of wading through massive amounts of both founded and unfounded news reports.
Refining your news reading skills
Here is some advice on how to read the news:
1) Who is writing the news story?
Is this person at the location of where the news is happening? Does this person have any real qualifications to assess the current situation? (Google their name and check their credentials) Are they who they say they are? Have they ever written on this topic before? Have they studied and published papers on the topic in which they claim to be “an expert”?) A simple Google search can often help credit or discredit how knowledgeable the writer or interviewee is on the topic.
2) What type of writing style does this writer employ in the news story?
a) Are they using the 1st or 3rd person point-of-view? 1st person is told from the perspective of “I”. For example, “I was on the 3rd floor of the building when the quake shook”. 3rd person uses words like “The Japan Meteorological agency reported a 9.0 quake.” Neither 1st nor 3rd person perspectives are more reliable than the other, however, it’s just good advice knowing what type of writing you are reading. Generally, objective reporting writes in a strict 3rd person point of view.
b) Is the report objective or subjective? Objective reporting tells the facts while subjective includes opinion, hearsay and speculations of the future or the unknown. Obviously, when seeking facts you should look for objective statements, and if you encounter a subjective statement, recognize what it is, and be aware that it’s just an opinion or prediction.
c) Does your news report contain many idiomatic statements? Professional reporters are trained to avoid using cliché statements and meaningless metaphors.
d) Is the news story filled with words of emotion? Oftentimes, the adjectives that writers use are added to the story in order to instill a specific emotion from the reader. Objective reporting does not rely on the crutches of unnecessary, emotional adjectives.
3. Fact check
Click on the links that reporters use in their stories. Do you feel like these links are reliable sources of information? Are they links that other reporters are using?
Focusing on the writing style of the news report that you are reading, from which you are forming your opinions, can be one of the best ways to educate yourself on whether or not to trust the source. By paying attention to these small details in your news, you can more easily discern which news is applicable and trustworthy in your decision-making of an emergency situation, as well as in informing yourself on your stance within political news.
The Aftermath
After undergoing the stress of a devastating situation, one needs to devise ways to escape “Fear Island”.
One suggestion is to help the victims and less fortunate who are suffering more than you. By taking action to bring aid to others, you are able to soothe your own emotional wounds. Besides offering others great help that they are not in a position to provide for themselves, taking action can divert your mind from your own suffering and worry. Besides that, it will bring you feelings of peacefulness to know your actions are positive rather than inactive.
Another suggestion is to express yourself and allow your feelings to escape your mind and body. Talk to your friends and family about your experiences and seek comfort in their responses. If you feel too inhibited to share, then take a look at these interview questions below, while taking time to answer them for yourself. Give yourself time to really think and express your thoughts on these subjects, and try to write your feelings down. Even if you can’t bring yourself to verbally express your emotions, sometimes the written word is enough and will suffice. Copy and paste the following interview questions and answer them. Delve into your emotions and experiences and allow them to flow. Share them if you wish. I promise that your friends and family care about and are interested in your thoughts and feelings. Sometimes even written responses help soothe the soul.
In these ways, I was able to escape Fear Island.
Interview questions
Where were you and what was on your mind during the quake? After the quake?
At what point did you realize, “This is big.”
How did you react to the mainstream media?
How did you react to the local media from your friends and family?
How did you cope through the first few days? The next week?
What are your feelings now about the situation?
What messages do you have for your friends and family living outside of the situation? Inside the situation?
How did their reaction make you feel?
What have you learned from all this?
How has this changed you?
What advice can you share with others?
March 11, 2011----My Experience
That Friday was my 3rd to last day of my contract with Jindai (Yokohama Daigaku Fuzoku Junior/High School) I was working there on an Interac contract. In the few months of working there, I had become close friends with the other 2 native English teachers. I had requested the afternoon off, since I had vacation days left over and no classes for the rest of that Friday afternoon. I had become engrossed in a relationship-related conversation with my coworker, Dominic, when the shaking began. As soon as we noticed the shaking, the other Japanese teachers in the room began to shriek. Dominic and I stayed sitting at our adjoined desks and commented on how Japanese earthquakes feel wavey and rolly compared to California earthquakes, the state where we both come from.
Below: Dominic drinking a melon soda at an izakaya a few days before the earthquake. (I thought I ought to give a visual) (I don't have a picture of Brianna, however).
After some time, the shaking began to escalate. There were some long extension cords hanging above our desks that began to sway and swirl, and soon the building's infrastructure began to make unsettling noises. By this time, the women in the room were shrieking the words "kowaaaai" (scarrry!). Dominic and I were still engaged in conversation regarding the shaking.
Me: Hey, this is pretty long.
D: Ya, I know. I think it's getting stronger.
D: I think we should get under the desk.
Me: Ya, i know. I've never felt like I needed to do this before.
Me: Dominic, I'm really scared. I have a feeling this is going to be very very bad for the rest of Japan.
D: That's scary.
After the shaking had reached it's strongest point and my heart raced as my butt lingered outside the protection of the desk, I realized everything was moving uncontrollably.
The shaking hadn't even completely finished, but only became weaker when I crawled out and stood up. It felt as we weren't on solid ground, but instead on a ship at sea. As all the other women emerged from their desks, everyone began to pull out their cell phones to check what was happening.
The first thing I did after taking my iPhone out of my pocket was dial Chu's number. I had no idea where the earthquake was centered or how large it was. All I could think of was that the time was close to 3 oclock when her job was most definitely finished, and she could have possibly been driving on her scooter. I was unbelievably worried about her. I tried calling about 3 times before I realized that the service was out. Dominic and I were talking to each other, and he was concentrated on contacting his mother who was visiting him, and alone at his house, unable to speak a word of Japanese.
Both of us stepped out onto the balcony where cell reception can usually be found when the 7.0 aftershocks began. Suddenly the earth was moving again, and we finally realized that we weren't able to make outgoing calls. It was then that I posted onto Facebook that I was alright and hoping to see a post from Chu saying that she was too. It seemed like forever during those 20 or so minutes that I hadn't seen a post update from her, but finally she updated.
After an hour of waiting around and regaining our wits, it became 4 o clock when we were allowed to go home. We decided to trek to Dominic's house in Machida, since it rumored that the trains might be down for the rest of the night. It still hadn't been comfirmed yet, but we decided that seemed like the best option at the time.
Here are some pictures from the walk home.
BELOW: A Chinese food restaurant's broken display case
BELOW: Some ladies in the convenience store stocking up on food.
BELOW: The electricity-less, long-lined konbini an hour after the earthquake.
BELOW:Steps in front of a business
It was a good decision, because none of the JR trains came back online for the rest of the night.
After 4 hours and 13 kilometers, we finally made it back to Dominic's apartment. We reunited with his mother, and I recharged my phone and called Chu.
It wasn't until then that we saw footage of the horrible disasters caused by the shaking and tsunamis. We then went out for some yakiniku, as our appetites were raging.
We spent the night sleeping on an airbed in his apartment. The night passed with dozens of huge aftershocks, but I was too tired to try to seek shelter under his doorway. Finally, in the morning, some trains resumed, and after a few hours I made it back home to Chu's house.
Below: A disturbing crack in the train in Kikuna station's wall
It felt unbelievably awesome to hold her after that night. Here's a pic of prepared-for-an-emergency Chubabe.
I am so glad that I happened to stay 2 hours later than I was supposed to stay at work, talking with Dominic rather than experiencing that day on a train filled with strangers. It was terribly scary and unusual, and a bond unlike any other has been formed with those people with whom I experienced the quake. It's a day I'll never forget.
Below: Dominic drinking a melon soda at an izakaya a few days before the earthquake. (I thought I ought to give a visual) (I don't have a picture of Brianna, however).
After some time, the shaking began to escalate. There were some long extension cords hanging above our desks that began to sway and swirl, and soon the building's infrastructure began to make unsettling noises. By this time, the women in the room were shrieking the words "kowaaaai" (scarrry!). Dominic and I were still engaged in conversation regarding the shaking.
Me: Hey, this is pretty long.
D: Ya, I know. I think it's getting stronger.
D: I think we should get under the desk.
Me: Ya, i know. I've never felt like I needed to do this before.
Me: Dominic, I'm really scared. I have a feeling this is going to be very very bad for the rest of Japan.
D: That's scary.
After the shaking had reached it's strongest point and my heart raced as my butt lingered outside the protection of the desk, I realized everything was moving uncontrollably.
The shaking hadn't even completely finished, but only became weaker when I crawled out and stood up. It felt as we weren't on solid ground, but instead on a ship at sea. As all the other women emerged from their desks, everyone began to pull out their cell phones to check what was happening.
The first thing I did after taking my iPhone out of my pocket was dial Chu's number. I had no idea where the earthquake was centered or how large it was. All I could think of was that the time was close to 3 oclock when her job was most definitely finished, and she could have possibly been driving on her scooter. I was unbelievably worried about her. I tried calling about 3 times before I realized that the service was out. Dominic and I were talking to each other, and he was concentrated on contacting his mother who was visiting him, and alone at his house, unable to speak a word of Japanese.
Both of us stepped out onto the balcony where cell reception can usually be found when the 7.0 aftershocks began. Suddenly the earth was moving again, and we finally realized that we weren't able to make outgoing calls. It was then that I posted onto Facebook that I was alright and hoping to see a post from Chu saying that she was too. It seemed like forever during those 20 or so minutes that I hadn't seen a post update from her, but finally she updated.
After an hour of waiting around and regaining our wits, it became 4 o clock when we were allowed to go home. We decided to trek to Dominic's house in Machida, since it rumored that the trains might be down for the rest of the night. It still hadn't been comfirmed yet, but we decided that seemed like the best option at the time.
Here are some pictures from the walk home.
BELOW: A Chinese food restaurant's broken display case
BELOW: Some ladies in the convenience store stocking up on food.
BELOW: The electricity-less, long-lined konbini an hour after the earthquake.
BELOW:Steps in front of a business
It was a good decision, because none of the JR trains came back online for the rest of the night.
After 4 hours and 13 kilometers, we finally made it back to Dominic's apartment. We reunited with his mother, and I recharged my phone and called Chu.
It wasn't until then that we saw footage of the horrible disasters caused by the shaking and tsunamis. We then went out for some yakiniku, as our appetites were raging.
We spent the night sleeping on an airbed in his apartment. The night passed with dozens of huge aftershocks, but I was too tired to try to seek shelter under his doorway. Finally, in the morning, some trains resumed, and after a few hours I made it back home to Chu's house.
Below: A disturbing crack in the train in Kikuna station's wall
It felt unbelievably awesome to hold her after that night. Here's a pic of prepared-for-an-emergency Chubabe.
I am so glad that I happened to stay 2 hours later than I was supposed to stay at work, talking with Dominic rather than experiencing that day on a train filled with strangers. It was terribly scary and unusual, and a bond unlike any other has been formed with those people with whom I experienced the quake. It's a day I'll never forget.
Where have I been, you might ask?
I haven't visited my Fantasy World in many months. In fact, I haven't so much as mentioned the fact that I left Japan in August 2009,only to be summoned back in April of 2010. The lapse in time and the moments lived are difficult to explain after months of cyber-silence. Basically, I left Japanland when my JET Programme visa expired after 3 years, only to realize that I had stepped out of the territory where my heart thrived. That soft stone in my chest had become unaccustomed to loneliness and longing. Once I found myself living in my homeland, my childhood home of Commerce, CA. USA, I soon longed for the other home that I had matured into, the foreign, yet familiar country of Japan.
It was hard to return. The reality of finding a job that would extend responsibility for a visa was hard to find. However,after 8 months, I was able to finally find it. And,soon, I was back in baby's arms. That year was extremely difficult though. My job was unstable in the fact that it only offered 4 month long contracts. Due to some bad choices on my part, I complicated the paperwork, and created an untimely severance of my contract with this employer. Luckily, I could find another job, and then another after that to continue my legal presence here. This experience left me downtrodden, broke as a joke, and emotionally toiled. However, finally with a new job prospect for April 2011, my future in Japan began to solidify. But before the school year could change and adjust into the new life, unforeseen disaster struck my lovely home.
The earth both literally and figuratively shook beneath our feet.
Friday, March 11th, 2011 will mark a memory that I can't expect to ever leave me.
It was hard to return. The reality of finding a job that would extend responsibility for a visa was hard to find. However,after 8 months, I was able to finally find it. And,soon, I was back in baby's arms. That year was extremely difficult though. My job was unstable in the fact that it only offered 4 month long contracts. Due to some bad choices on my part, I complicated the paperwork, and created an untimely severance of my contract with this employer. Luckily, I could find another job, and then another after that to continue my legal presence here. This experience left me downtrodden, broke as a joke, and emotionally toiled. However, finally with a new job prospect for April 2011, my future in Japan began to solidify. But before the school year could change and adjust into the new life, unforeseen disaster struck my lovely home.
The earth both literally and figuratively shook beneath our feet.
Friday, March 11th, 2011 will mark a memory that I can't expect to ever leave me.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Friday, July 30, 2010
Birds of a Feather
There are those of you who actually know me well. Some of you, residing back there in my motherland, have yet to be introduced to the key players of my life in Japan. I realized this while on the phone to Gabriel, who met most of my cronies during his yearlong stint here in the land of the rising ball of fire. However, since he's left, I have yet to tell him of my newest buddies.
Then, there are the rest of you, who have yet to visit, have yet to meet the special people who keep me happy here in Japland. I figure the fairest way to determine the order of introduction is chronological. It makes the most sense. Despite meeting a myriad of awesome people in this country, there are actually just a few that I feel will be my lifelong friends. There has always been a special feeling I get from a person that lets me know that. Gabriel, Janine, Kenny, Daniella, Traci, Sahar, Angela, Kalila, Griselda...I'll never lose touch with you special people.
So, it's important that you learn about my Japan people now, because you WILL meet them eventually.
A few days before leaving San Francisco, we had a conference preparing us for what is to come. On this day, I met Michelle who lives a few cities away from me. Despite our proximity, I haven't had much of a chance to get to know her well. However, I do remember asking her if she met the third Shizuoka-ite, and she pointed to the opposite side of the room. From my standpoint, I immediately deemed him a frat boy, and turned back around to focus on the glass of wine that rested upon the bar.
Little did I know at the time, that this guy would become my closest buddy. His proximity is near, as he is my closest neighbor. It takes less than ten minutes to ride my bike to his apartment. Despite that matter of convenience, I now feel extremely grateful that we are neighbors because perhaps if that wasn't so, I would have never got the chance to know him as well as I do. By now, he has become one of my favorite people in this country to spend time with. His sense of humor is by far his best quality, as I am quite the critic in this arena, he never fails to make me laugh whenever I'm around him. It isn't very often that I meet someone who influences me so strongly in regards to people, movies, and music the way he does.
D-Force is someone that all of you MUST meet.
The next person that I met who bestowed a great impression on me was the one I nicknamed "Leonigiri". I met her in my Japanese class, and we bonded over our mutual abiltity of speaking English. However soon, over beers and izakaya food, I came to respect this lady immensely. Her defining characteristic, I'd say, would be her extreme chillness. She, like D Force, has an impeccable sense of humor...one that I haven't encountered in a girl in a long time. Though I named that as her special quality, her sweetness and sincere generosity is another of the traits that drew me to her as if she were the tip of a magnet. I only had the opportunity to know her for a short time, less than a year, however within that time, I came to know that she is someone who I will always strive to keep in contact with. She's a good, good girl.
I would say that the closest person to me at this time is Chubabe. So, ya, obviously, your girlfriend quickly becomes your best friend.
Duh, right?
But besides that apparent fact, she is the coolest woman I have ever met. Though I am quite lax about who I allow around me, I am ridiculously strict in regards to who I allow myself to fall in love with. I am constantly in awe of her impressions of everything. Her way with people, her obsessive love of art and musik, her undeniably original outlook on life, her sensitivity, her ingenuity, her need for freedom and originality, her sexuality, her way of speaking....I could go on and on. But I doubt you need me to, or really want me to. Perhaps you should just take my word for it. She shares her birthday with my brother, Ricky, my best friend in this world. Born twenty one years before him, to the day....she has become my best friend.
Then, there are the rest of you, who have yet to visit, have yet to meet the special people who keep me happy here in Japland. I figure the fairest way to determine the order of introduction is chronological. It makes the most sense. Despite meeting a myriad of awesome people in this country, there are actually just a few that I feel will be my lifelong friends. There has always been a special feeling I get from a person that lets me know that. Gabriel, Janine, Kenny, Daniella, Traci, Sahar, Angela, Kalila, Griselda...I'll never lose touch with you special people.
So, it's important that you learn about my Japan people now, because you WILL meet them eventually.
A few days before leaving San Francisco, we had a conference preparing us for what is to come. On this day, I met Michelle who lives a few cities away from me. Despite our proximity, I haven't had much of a chance to get to know her well. However, I do remember asking her if she met the third Shizuoka-ite, and she pointed to the opposite side of the room. From my standpoint, I immediately deemed him a frat boy, and turned back around to focus on the glass of wine that rested upon the bar.
Little did I know at the time, that this guy would become my closest buddy. His proximity is near, as he is my closest neighbor. It takes less than ten minutes to ride my bike to his apartment. Despite that matter of convenience, I now feel extremely grateful that we are neighbors because perhaps if that wasn't so, I would have never got the chance to know him as well as I do. By now, he has become one of my favorite people in this country to spend time with. His sense of humor is by far his best quality, as I am quite the critic in this arena, he never fails to make me laugh whenever I'm around him. It isn't very often that I meet someone who influences me so strongly in regards to people, movies, and music the way he does.
D-Force is someone that all of you MUST meet.
The next person that I met who bestowed a great impression on me was the one I nicknamed "Leonigiri". I met her in my Japanese class, and we bonded over our mutual abiltity of speaking English. However soon, over beers and izakaya food, I came to respect this lady immensely. Her defining characteristic, I'd say, would be her extreme chillness. She, like D Force, has an impeccable sense of humor...one that I haven't encountered in a girl in a long time. Though I named that as her special quality, her sweetness and sincere generosity is another of the traits that drew me to her as if she were the tip of a magnet. I only had the opportunity to know her for a short time, less than a year, however within that time, I came to know that she is someone who I will always strive to keep in contact with. She's a good, good girl.
I would say that the closest person to me at this time is Chubabe. So, ya, obviously, your girlfriend quickly becomes your best friend.
Duh, right?
But besides that apparent fact, she is the coolest woman I have ever met. Though I am quite lax about who I allow around me, I am ridiculously strict in regards to who I allow myself to fall in love with. I am constantly in awe of her impressions of everything. Her way with people, her obsessive love of art and musik, her undeniably original outlook on life, her sensitivity, her ingenuity, her need for freedom and originality, her sexuality, her way of speaking....I could go on and on. But I doubt you need me to, or really want me to. Perhaps you should just take my word for it. She shares her birthday with my brother, Ricky, my best friend in this world. Born twenty one years before him, to the day....she has become my best friend.
Monday, December 01, 2008
How do I feel this good sober?
November is one of my two sober months. This month, I did really well. Though I did have some tastes of sake in Takayama, and two Coronas last Friday, I pretty much stayed alcohol and tobacco free for a month. After the first week, it didn't seem so bad at all, except of course at parties and bars. I found that without drinking, being in a bar with drinkers isn't so fun.
Which made me realize something: this world is full of non-drinkers, and they don't really like drinkers, much in the same way that drinkers don't really like non-drinkers. After remaining sober during a very very drunken party, I had to admit that I felt a little isolated from the collective drunken debauchery idea of fun, despite being amused at seeing the other side for a change. The next day, I asked my non-drinking girlfriend, who ironically has a bar, "how on earth do you not only handle being around drunken people all the time, let alone me, the epitome of a borderline alcoholic?" Her answer was "because I love you". Sweet, but it didn't satisfy my curiousity.
After I pressed on, and said, ya....but come on, after years and years and years of nights like that, you must get annoyed. Right, right? And so she admitted it, yes, she doesn't really like it so much. This, of course, does make me feel uncomfortable, as an avid drinker...but, what can you do?
Regardless of that, I often get angry at myself after a night of much drinking when I feel sick in the morning, or acted a fool in front of people I don't know well, which are usually the occasions when I feel less confident and prone to drink more. So, May and November act as a reminder that I'm strong enough to be a non-drinker if I am so inclined. Am I?
Of course, I wish I didn't have the urge in my blood, in my childhood memories of parties and good times meaning lots of alcohol. I wish I didn't know how good it feels to be free of your stifling inhibitions and shyness. Knowing how good it feels to be drunk, standing on chairs or tables, yelling or laughing or sing at the top of your lungs without any reservations, as if you were a child again, playing as loud as you'd like, in the middle of a play yard, with friends.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Je ne veux pas travailler
I spoke to two people today. The first was my father who saw I had just signed onto Skype. Shortly after, my phone rang. It was one am his time, we talked about various things, mostly updates about my siblings. The other call was from my girlfriend who had worked all day, and was really just calling me back.
I didn't leave my house today. It is a Monday. Don't worry, I didn't call in sick. It was a make-up holiday for the Saturday school. I woke up at four pm. It is three thirty in the morning now. I don't want to go to work. I don't want to eat. I only want to forget and so I smoke.
Hello was the first thing I said, and my voice was hoarse. I thought I may have been losing it. The last thing I said tonite was "of course not, goodnight". Then I cried.
I know this happens whenever I quit smoking. Like a broken heart, the sun streams in through the bars of this cage. Something inside of me can see the invisible, ghosts of the future. I'm seeing something.
It must be wonderful to be nice, but i've never known it.
I didn't leave my house today. It is a Monday. Don't worry, I didn't call in sick. It was a make-up holiday for the Saturday school. I woke up at four pm. It is three thirty in the morning now. I don't want to go to work. I don't want to eat. I only want to forget and so I smoke.
Hello was the first thing I said, and my voice was hoarse. I thought I may have been losing it. The last thing I said tonite was "of course not, goodnight". Then I cried.
I know this happens whenever I quit smoking. Like a broken heart, the sun streams in through the bars of this cage. Something inside of me can see the invisible, ghosts of the future. I'm seeing something.
It must be wonderful to be nice, but i've never known it.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Prequels vs. Sequels
i could hear the cymbals crash
slamming through the halls
hanging on the walls
i could have sworn it rock and roll
how was i supposed to know
how was i supposed to know
i felt them underneath
so soft, yet firm, petite
a cry from my feet beneath
a row of hearts
a queen of tarts
i felt them underneath
so soft, petite
they are lined up in a row
i could have sworn it rock and roll
how was i supposed to know
and know, and know
im finding yours and yours and yours
i've met them all before
i've loved them all before
ive loved them all before
slamming through the halls
hanging on the walls
i could have sworn it rock and roll
how was i supposed to know
how was i supposed to know
i felt them underneath
so soft, yet firm, petite
a cry from my feet beneath
a row of hearts
a queen of tarts
i felt them underneath
so soft, petite
they are lined up in a row
i could have sworn it rock and roll
how was i supposed to know
and know, and know
im finding yours and yours and yours
i've met them all before
i've loved them all before
ive loved them all before
The Wheel in the Sky
I've been trying to figure out why all I want to do everyday is sleep. Is it the changing of the seasons, the fact that it's dark when I get home from work? Is it the anger my body feels for taking away its nicotine, its alcohol? Is it that I can't feel anyone's presence unless they are in the room with me? Could it be that I feel all it's based on is nothing but a clock's countdown, and that's all there is to this thing we have?
Lately, I had been considering staying in Japan, moving to Tokyo.
Today I talked to my mother. Guess it was time for the "You're almost thirty years old" talk. I'm glad she reminded me. I had almost forgotten;-}
"i've been to Hollywood, i've been to Redwood, I crossed the ocean for a heart of gold, i've been in my mind, it's such a fine line, keeps me searching for a heart of gold, and i'm gettin' old"
She doesn't understand my inherent fears of being locked into something. I don't have a job with a four O one K. I'm not preparing for my future. I'm not going to have a husband to take care of me or pull me out of financial difficulties. She says.
I had been telling people that I'm planning to get a job in Tokyo, take Japanese classes, apply for school.
I don't let people make my decisions for me, though I do take into account their sentiments urging me to come home.
And it was at this afternoon that I realized, there's nobody here telling me to stay. So a girl must wonder, what am I to do?
AND SO TODAY MY THOUGHTS IN SONG----------------
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
I secretly read Postsecret.com
Because I also share this fear, I am quite grateful to how Japanese toilet stall doors usually reach the bathroom floor.
Friday, October 17, 2008
How I feel today in Song Form
Dazed and Confused by Led Zeppelin
I may be just a stupid baby, but i think is the fuckin awesome-est musik thing ever. I respect this band in all ways.....and if you don't agree, then i'll probably think that you know nothing about rock and roll
I dont know how I can be so busy all the time, always having somewhere to be, someone to meet....yet I get so very little done. I'm confused, in alot of ways.
I may be just a stupid baby, but i think is the fuckin awesome-est musik thing ever. I respect this band in all ways.....and if you don't agree, then i'll probably think that you know nothing about rock and roll
I dont know how I can be so busy all the time, always having somewhere to be, someone to meet....yet I get so very little done. I'm confused, in alot of ways.
My favorite Japanese karaoke song at the mome
Soba ni iru ne
Anata no koto (wata)shi wa ima demo omoitsudzukete iruyo
Ikura toki nagareteyukou to I’M BY YOUR SIDE BABY itsudemo
SO. donna ni hanarete iyou to
Kokoro no naka dewa itsudemo isshoni iru kedo samishiin dayo
SO BABY PLEASE tada HURRY BACK HOME
BABY BOY atashi wa koko ni iruyo doko mo ikazu ni matteruyo
YOU KNOW DAT I LOVE YOU dakara koso shinpai shinak(u)te iindayo
Donna ni tooku ni itemo kawaranaiyo kono kokoro
Iitai koto wakaru desho?
Anata no koto matteru yo
[SoulJa]
Nna koto yori omae no hou wa genki ka? chanto meshikutteru ka?
Chikusho, yappa ieneeya
Mata kondo okuruyo ore kara no LETTER
[Thelma Aoyama]
Sugisatta toki wa modosenai keredo chikaku ni itekureta kimi ga koishii no
Dakedo anata to no kyori ga tooku naru hodo ni isogashi kumisete ita
Atashi nigeteta no
Dakedo me wo tojiru toki nemurou tosuru toki nigekirena iyo anata no koto
Omoi dashite wa hitori naitetano
Anata no koto (wata)shi wa ima demo omoitsudzukete iruyo
Ikura toki nagareteyukou to I’M BY YOUR SIDE BABY itsudemo
SO. donna ni hanarete iyou to
Kokoro no naka dewa itsudemo isshoni iru kedo samishiin dayo
SO BABY PLEASE tada HURRY BACK HOME
BABY BOY atashi wa koko ni iruyo doko mo ikazu ni matteruyo
YOU KNOW DAT I LOVE YOU dakara koso shinpai shinak(u)te iindayo
Donna ni tooku ni itemo kawaranaiyo kono kokoro
Iitai koto wakaru desho?
Anata no koto matteru yo
[SoulJa]
Bukiyouna ore tooku ni iru kimi
Tsutaetai kimochi sonomama iezuni kimi wa icchimatta
Ima ja nokosareta kimi wa ALBUM no naka
[Thelma Aoyama]
ALBUM no naka osameta omoide no
Hibi yori nanigenai hitotoki ga ima ja koishii no
('SoulJa' kimi no nukumori)
AND NOW anata kara no denwa machi tsudzukete ita
Keitai nigirishime nagara nemuri ni tsuita
('SoulJa' dakishimete yaritai)
Atashi wa doko mo ikanaiyo koko ni iru keredo
Mitsume aitai anata no sono hitomi
Ne~ wakaru desho? atashi matteruyo
BABY BOY atashi wa koko ni iruyo doko mo ikazu ni matteruyo
YOU KNOW DAT I LOVE YOU dakara koso shinpai shinak(u)te iindayo
Donna ni tooku ni itemo kawaranaiyo kono kokoro
Iitai koto wakaru desho?
Anata no koto matteru yo
[SoulJa]
Ore wa doko mo ikanaiyo koko ni iru keredo sagashi tsudzukeru anata no kao
YOUR egao ima demo sawaresou datte omoi nagara
Te wo nobaseba kimi wa
Anata no koto (wata)shi wa ima demo omoitsudzukete iruyo
Ikura toki nagareteyukou to I’M BY YOUR SIDE BABY itsudemo
SO. donna ni hanarete iyou to
Kokoro no naka dewa itsudemo isshoni iru kedo samishiin dayo
SO BABY PLEASE tada HURRY BACK HOME
Anata no koto (wata)shi wa ima demo omoitsudzukete iruyo
Ikura toki nagareteyukou to I’M BY YOUR SIDE BABY itsudemo
SO. donna ni hanarete iyou to
Kokoro no naka dewa itsudemo isshoni iru kedo samishiin dayo
SO BABY PLEASE tada HURRY BACK HOME
Anata no koto (wata)shi wa ima demo omoitsudzukete iruyo
Ikura toki nagareteyukou to I’M BY YOUR SIDE BABY itsudemo
SO. donna ni hanarete iyou to
Kokoro no naka dewa itsudemo isshoni iru kedo samishiin dayo
SO BABY PLEASE tada HURRY BACK HOME
BABY BOY atashi wa koko ni iruyo doko mo ikazu ni matteruyo
YOU KNOW DAT I LOVE YOU dakara koso shinpai shinak(u)te iindayo
Donna ni tooku ni itemo kawaranaiyo kono kokoro
Iitai koto wakaru desho?
Anata no koto matteru yo
[SoulJa]
Nna koto yori omae no hou wa genki ka? chanto meshikutteru ka?
Chikusho, yappa ieneeya
Mata kondo okuruyo ore kara no LETTER
[Thelma Aoyama]
Sugisatta toki wa modosenai keredo chikaku ni itekureta kimi ga koishii no
Dakedo anata to no kyori ga tooku naru hodo ni isogashi kumisete ita
Atashi nigeteta no
Dakedo me wo tojiru toki nemurou tosuru toki nigekirena iyo anata no koto
Omoi dashite wa hitori naitetano
Anata no koto (wata)shi wa ima demo omoitsudzukete iruyo
Ikura toki nagareteyukou to I’M BY YOUR SIDE BABY itsudemo
SO. donna ni hanarete iyou to
Kokoro no naka dewa itsudemo isshoni iru kedo samishiin dayo
SO BABY PLEASE tada HURRY BACK HOME
BABY BOY atashi wa koko ni iruyo doko mo ikazu ni matteruyo
YOU KNOW DAT I LOVE YOU dakara koso shinpai shinak(u)te iindayo
Donna ni tooku ni itemo kawaranaiyo kono kokoro
Iitai koto wakaru desho?
Anata no koto matteru yo
[SoulJa]
Bukiyouna ore tooku ni iru kimi
Tsutaetai kimochi sonomama iezuni kimi wa icchimatta
Ima ja nokosareta kimi wa ALBUM no naka
[Thelma Aoyama]
ALBUM no naka osameta omoide no
Hibi yori nanigenai hitotoki ga ima ja koishii no
('SoulJa' kimi no nukumori)
AND NOW anata kara no denwa machi tsudzukete ita
Keitai nigirishime nagara nemuri ni tsuita
('SoulJa' dakishimete yaritai)
Atashi wa doko mo ikanaiyo koko ni iru keredo
Mitsume aitai anata no sono hitomi
Ne~ wakaru desho? atashi matteruyo
BABY BOY atashi wa koko ni iruyo doko mo ikazu ni matteruyo
YOU KNOW DAT I LOVE YOU dakara koso shinpai shinak(u)te iindayo
Donna ni tooku ni itemo kawaranaiyo kono kokoro
Iitai koto wakaru desho?
Anata no koto matteru yo
[SoulJa]
Ore wa doko mo ikanaiyo koko ni iru keredo sagashi tsudzukeru anata no kao
YOUR egao ima demo sawaresou datte omoi nagara
Te wo nobaseba kimi wa
Anata no koto (wata)shi wa ima demo omoitsudzukete iruyo
Ikura toki nagareteyukou to I’M BY YOUR SIDE BABY itsudemo
SO. donna ni hanarete iyou to
Kokoro no naka dewa itsudemo isshoni iru kedo samishiin dayo
SO BABY PLEASE tada HURRY BACK HOME
Anata no koto (wata)shi wa ima demo omoitsudzukete iruyo
Ikura toki nagareteyukou to I’M BY YOUR SIDE BABY itsudemo
SO. donna ni hanarete iyou to
Kokoro no naka dewa itsudemo isshoni iru kedo samishiin dayo
SO BABY PLEASE tada HURRY BACK HOME
Amor de mi Padre
Primer
There was a thunderstorm coming into the windows of our house, and my family was hiding. I would be cuddled with my father in the armchair by the window, and lightning bolts would crash into the windows, making a fire in our house.
Segundo
I would be playing with my toys in the middle of the living room with my parents in the room. Suddenly, I would start to float up into the ceiling. It would be too fast for anyone to catch me, and I'd be too high for my parents to reach me. Suddenly, the front door would open and I'd be pulled up and float up into the sky. I'd continue to float up up up, screaming in a child's voice.
Tercer
It was my birthday party, it was time to hit my pinata. They told me that other kids would be hitting my pinata first. I cried because I wanted to go first. I ran behind the garage where my parents used to keep the trash cans. My dad found me and told me I would be the first one to hit my pinata.
Cuarto
I was sleeping quietly in my room when I heard arguing in the living room. I awoke and walked into the room. He was gathering his stuff to leave. He put me back into my bed, and I fell asleep holding his arm. I remembered waking as he pulled his arm away, I reached up but missed, and fell back into sleep.
Quinto
He used to call me "superbaby", and fly me around as if I really were a super baby.
I don't know if it was because my dad wasn't strong enough or I had grown too heavy, but there came a day when I lost my ability to fly.
There was a thunderstorm coming into the windows of our house, and my family was hiding. I would be cuddled with my father in the armchair by the window, and lightning bolts would crash into the windows, making a fire in our house.
Segundo
I would be playing with my toys in the middle of the living room with my parents in the room. Suddenly, I would start to float up into the ceiling. It would be too fast for anyone to catch me, and I'd be too high for my parents to reach me. Suddenly, the front door would open and I'd be pulled up and float up into the sky. I'd continue to float up up up, screaming in a child's voice.
Tercer
It was my birthday party, it was time to hit my pinata. They told me that other kids would be hitting my pinata first. I cried because I wanted to go first. I ran behind the garage where my parents used to keep the trash cans. My dad found me and told me I would be the first one to hit my pinata.
Cuarto
I was sleeping quietly in my room when I heard arguing in the living room. I awoke and walked into the room. He was gathering his stuff to leave. He put me back into my bed, and I fell asleep holding his arm. I remembered waking as he pulled his arm away, I reached up but missed, and fell back into sleep.
Quinto
He used to call me "superbaby", and fly me around as if I really were a super baby.
I don't know if it was because my dad wasn't strong enough or I had grown too heavy, but there came a day when I lost my ability to fly.
Monday, October 13, 2008
電車の人 （分からない）
The first time it happened, I was on my way to Chu's house.
The Kamata bound subway on the Ikegami line (or "T-bone's line" as I secretly refer to it)was packed with people coming from Gotanda station. I smashed my way to the corner by the door and held the hand grabby thing as I waited until the train pushed off.
After we had gone a few stops. The man beside me brushes past my arm in a downward position and bounces off of people a la pinball and ends up on the floor. At the next stop, people help him up and sit him on a chair outside. He slouches over and a woman alerts the train guard. I exit the station and head over to Chu's house. After ten minutes, I forget anything even happened.
The second time it happened, I was on my way to meet Laura and Maki in Yokohama on the Keihin-Tohoku line when I noticed a man slouched down unusually low in his seat. I went back to studying Japanese grammar, and when I looked up again, I saw him sliding down his chair. The man two seats beside him patted his back and asked "大丈夫？”
応えない。So the man sits back in his seat, and again continues to stare ahead. Meanwhile, the passed out salary dude slowly slinks down onto his knees, and 3 train stops pass.
I don't know why I let those 15 minutes pass just watching everybody else watching him. So at the next stop, I halfway hung out of the train waving my arms to the station guard who blows the whistle at the ends of the train. The train is long, about 10 cars, so I doubt he sees me, yet I continue. I know the doors won't cut me in half if they were to close on me. They close on me, and i slither back because both my stuff and the man are inside the train.
My Japanese vocabulary is still pretty limited to a 4 or 5 year old child, so when I approach a couple and say "荷物を見て下さい", I know that I am not asking "Could you please watch my stuff for a moment?". Instead, I'm saying "look at my stuff". However, by pointing to the man, my stuff, and the door to the next car....their confused looks suddenly turned into an understanding smile, and they nodded.
So I began my journey down to the end of the train.
Apparently, Whistley Mcgee saw me after all, and was on his way to my car when we met in the middle of the train. I said 病気な男があるの and did my characteristicly gaijin finger-point over into the man's direction. The station attendant hurried to the man and began to attempt to wake him up. The man would not wake up. Simultaneously, a man with a briefcase in the same car, who had also been watching this guy for the past 15 minutes, ran to them saying what I can only guess is "I'm a doctor" in Japanese.
The train stops at the next station and they carry the guy out. As passengers board and depart the train, I watch the scene out the train window while the "doctor" unbuckles the guy's pants, takes off his tie, and rolls him to his side. As the train makes its rolling start, I look down at my grammar book.
I wonder how long I'd be on the floor unconscious before somebody does something.
[
電車の人（分からない---densha no hito (wakaranai) Train People (I don't undestand)
"大丈夫？-------------daijoubu Are you okay?
応えない--------------kotaenai He didn't answer.
"荷物を見て下さい"-----nimotsu wo mite kudasai Look at my stuff.
病気な男があるの-------byoki na otoko ga aru no There is a sick man.
The Kamata bound subway on the Ikegami line (or "T-bone's line" as I secretly refer to it)was packed with people coming from Gotanda station. I smashed my way to the corner by the door and held the hand grabby thing as I waited until the train pushed off.
After we had gone a few stops. The man beside me brushes past my arm in a downward position and bounces off of people a la pinball and ends up on the floor. At the next stop, people help him up and sit him on a chair outside. He slouches over and a woman alerts the train guard. I exit the station and head over to Chu's house. After ten minutes, I forget anything even happened.
The second time it happened, I was on my way to meet Laura and Maki in Yokohama on the Keihin-Tohoku line when I noticed a man slouched down unusually low in his seat. I went back to studying Japanese grammar, and when I looked up again, I saw him sliding down his chair. The man two seats beside him patted his back and asked "大丈夫？”
応えない。So the man sits back in his seat, and again continues to stare ahead. Meanwhile, the passed out salary dude slowly slinks down onto his knees, and 3 train stops pass.
I don't know why I let those 15 minutes pass just watching everybody else watching him. So at the next stop, I halfway hung out of the train waving my arms to the station guard who blows the whistle at the ends of the train. The train is long, about 10 cars, so I doubt he sees me, yet I continue. I know the doors won't cut me in half if they were to close on me. They close on me, and i slither back because both my stuff and the man are inside the train.
My Japanese vocabulary is still pretty limited to a 4 or 5 year old child, so when I approach a couple and say "荷物を見て下さい", I know that I am not asking "Could you please watch my stuff for a moment?". Instead, I'm saying "look at my stuff". However, by pointing to the man, my stuff, and the door to the next car....their confused looks suddenly turned into an understanding smile, and they nodded.
So I began my journey down to the end of the train.
Apparently, Whistley Mcgee saw me after all, and was on his way to my car when we met in the middle of the train. I said 病気な男があるの and did my characteristicly gaijin finger-point over into the man's direction. The station attendant hurried to the man and began to attempt to wake him up. The man would not wake up. Simultaneously, a man with a briefcase in the same car, who had also been watching this guy for the past 15 minutes, ran to them saying what I can only guess is "I'm a doctor" in Japanese.
The train stops at the next station and they carry the guy out. As passengers board and depart the train, I watch the scene out the train window while the "doctor" unbuckles the guy's pants, takes off his tie, and rolls him to his side. As the train makes its rolling start, I look down at my grammar book.
I wonder how long I'd be on the floor unconscious before somebody does something.
[
電車の人（分からない---densha no hito (wakaranai) Train People (I don't undestand)
"大丈夫？-------------daijoubu Are you okay?
応えない--------------kotaenai He didn't answer.
"荷物を見て下さい"-----nimotsu wo mite kudasai Look at my stuff.
病気な男があるの-------byoki na otoko ga aru no There is a sick man.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Why Rude is Better
Since I'm in a bit of a fluster, I am having trouble locating the place that I ought to begin this rant. Perhaps I should remind you again about 空気読めない or kuuki yomenai or being unable to read the air. I wrote about it once here: Heavenly Evil Spirit Maybe I just suck at reading the goddamn air, even though I always thought I had a knack for it in my own country. Tonight I'm plagued by the feeling that I'm really just living in a vaccuum.
I have decided to begin by recounting a recent experience which happened amongst strangers, so I am the least bothered by it. Although, the truth is that this recount is the perfect representation of how experiencing and dealing with differences in culture can become increasingly more difficult to shrug off. I feel like I have continued to deal with the difficulties, but it's hard to figure out whether I am receiving any new knowledge or understanding rather than only accumulating more and more examples of how things are just fucked up.
So last weekend I accompanied my new buddy, James, and my even newer buddy, Melissa to a couple of the gay men bars in Shizuoka. The two of them had gone to these bars the previous weekend, so they were familiar with us when we entered the door. We were welcomed by the "mama-san" which is what the women of straight Snack Bars are usually called, who entertain their male guests. So, at the gay bars, there is also a mama-san. Anyway, Mama-san welcomed us kindly, took our orders, and after a short while, we began to mingle. By the end of the night, at four in the morning, we were sitting amidst 5 Japanese guys who could barely speak English in a full-fledged conversation about to whom they had lost their virginity. In Japan, a virgin male is called a "cherry boy", so the way they phrased losing their virginity was "when they broke their cherry".
Everyone was laughing, having a good time and when we left everyone was smiling and waving. We departed from the bar rather drunkenly, cursing the soft rain while we galavanted the empty streets in search of a cab back to James' apartment. The next morning, we talked about how the last two trips to the gay bars, the first in Hamamatsu and the second in Shizuoka, had been so fun and refreshing. We spoke about how friendly and open-minded they seemed, willingly and comfortably able to make comversation with gaijin, happy and in a good mood. It was fantastic, we thought. I had even discussed my surprise and admiration for these new friends to my other friends who had not joined us that evening, telling them that they've gotta come to the friendliest place in Shizuoka.
Two days later, I felt like a fool. I was chatting on the phone with James, as he talked of his adventures the next night that he decided to go visit the bars. He began by saying, "I think it might be awhile since I take chicks to the bar again." I, at first, assumed he meant because he could spend more time talking to the locals rather than chatting with his gaijin friends, but he went on. He told me that a new guy who could speak English fluently, told him that it is not customary, or even allowed to have women in male gay bars in Japan. He went on to say that many of the customers, even some of those we had spent hours chatting seemingly happily with, complained to Mama-san that there were women in the bars. My response was nonchalant, "ah, too bad because it was actually fun. What a shame", then my thoughts and our conversation floated into a new topic.
It wasn't until today, after another experience I had with a co-worker from school, that I thought again about what I had learned over the weekend. I feel like my relationships with certain people at school are slowly disintegrating. I'm not sure what the cause is, or whether they were ever so solid in the first place. But, it's definitely causing me to become more sensitive to the little things. I shouldn't give details, as this blog of mine IS public, but it generally revolves around people smiling with their mouths as their eyes show something different, then later, only to learn that there was a complaint about whatever the topic was that was smiled about. I don't know how many times I have uttered the phrase "but if you don't like this, I can change it and try something else. What do you think?" That's my standard answer when I see those eyes with the strange, seemingly insincere smile.
So when I thought more about the gay bar situation, I thought, "ya, you know, Japan IS pretty backdated in the eyes of Westerners concerning woman's role in society, gender, and sexuality in general. So, I definitely understand the rules of the bar and why they have been erected". Yes, I understand the rules, but I don't understand why were weren't just shoo-ed out of the bar in the first place. Why didn't they just say "no women allowed" when we all walked in together? Why did they sit and chat it up with us for hours, smiling, pretending to have a good time with us, when they were only later to complain that it made them feel uncomfortable. Seriously, what the fuck?
I feel that as I become more aware and increasingly more sensitive to this element of Japanese culture, I am simultaneously trying to combat feelings of annoyance because I don't want to close myself off from people just because of differences. On the same hand, I do recognize that I also have kept negative thoughts and opinions locked away in my head, only to complain about it later to another trusted friend, while never considering the consequences of how rude it could be constrewn as being if those opinions were to ever be blown into the air for others to read. I have also partaken in hypocritical behavior, which has now spurred me to try to pay attention to how and when, and to try to cease these actions.
I don't know what I should do, or what I should think. Whenever I try to discuss it with other like-minded gaijin, it ends up turning into a bitch fest that doesn't seem to have any positive result besides blowing off steam. That's not really what I need, I'm able to let my steam out without complaining to others, though it is nice to have someone listen to the stories once in awhile.
However, what I wish for is someone to help me in the search for a way to figure out how to make people understand that it is more hurtful to find out someone is pretending to like you, faking their smiles and laughter than to just have someone flat out ignore you or say, "hey, i don't want to talk to you" or "I don't want you around me". The sentiment is the same, but at least the latter doesn't allow you to build your hopes up that you might be making a real connection with someone, only to later learn that it was fake. The fake politeness seems to be nice, but in reality, it is so goddamn rude. I am not interested in changing this, nor do I think I can, I just want to figure out a way to explain that sometimes rude is just better.
I have decided to begin by recounting a recent experience which happened amongst strangers, so I am the least bothered by it. Although, the truth is that this recount is the perfect representation of how experiencing and dealing with differences in culture can become increasingly more difficult to shrug off. I feel like I have continued to deal with the difficulties, but it's hard to figure out whether I am receiving any new knowledge or understanding rather than only accumulating more and more examples of how things are just fucked up.
So last weekend I accompanied my new buddy, James, and my even newer buddy, Melissa to a couple of the gay men bars in Shizuoka. The two of them had gone to these bars the previous weekend, so they were familiar with us when we entered the door. We were welcomed by the "mama-san" which is what the women of straight Snack Bars are usually called, who entertain their male guests. So, at the gay bars, there is also a mama-san. Anyway, Mama-san welcomed us kindly, took our orders, and after a short while, we began to mingle. By the end of the night, at four in the morning, we were sitting amidst 5 Japanese guys who could barely speak English in a full-fledged conversation about to whom they had lost their virginity. In Japan, a virgin male is called a "cherry boy", so the way they phrased losing their virginity was "when they broke their cherry".
Everyone was laughing, having a good time and when we left everyone was smiling and waving. We departed from the bar rather drunkenly, cursing the soft rain while we galavanted the empty streets in search of a cab back to James' apartment. The next morning, we talked about how the last two trips to the gay bars, the first in Hamamatsu and the second in Shizuoka, had been so fun and refreshing. We spoke about how friendly and open-minded they seemed, willingly and comfortably able to make comversation with gaijin, happy and in a good mood. It was fantastic, we thought. I had even discussed my surprise and admiration for these new friends to my other friends who had not joined us that evening, telling them that they've gotta come to the friendliest place in Shizuoka.
Two days later, I felt like a fool. I was chatting on the phone with James, as he talked of his adventures the next night that he decided to go visit the bars. He began by saying, "I think it might be awhile since I take chicks to the bar again." I, at first, assumed he meant because he could spend more time talking to the locals rather than chatting with his gaijin friends, but he went on. He told me that a new guy who could speak English fluently, told him that it is not customary, or even allowed to have women in male gay bars in Japan. He went on to say that many of the customers, even some of those we had spent hours chatting seemingly happily with, complained to Mama-san that there were women in the bars. My response was nonchalant, "ah, too bad because it was actually fun. What a shame", then my thoughts and our conversation floated into a new topic.
It wasn't until today, after another experience I had with a co-worker from school, that I thought again about what I had learned over the weekend. I feel like my relationships with certain people at school are slowly disintegrating. I'm not sure what the cause is, or whether they were ever so solid in the first place. But, it's definitely causing me to become more sensitive to the little things. I shouldn't give details, as this blog of mine IS public, but it generally revolves around people smiling with their mouths as their eyes show something different, then later, only to learn that there was a complaint about whatever the topic was that was smiled about. I don't know how many times I have uttered the phrase "but if you don't like this, I can change it and try something else. What do you think?" That's my standard answer when I see those eyes with the strange, seemingly insincere smile.
So when I thought more about the gay bar situation, I thought, "ya, you know, Japan IS pretty backdated in the eyes of Westerners concerning woman's role in society, gender, and sexuality in general. So, I definitely understand the rules of the bar and why they have been erected". Yes, I understand the rules, but I don't understand why were weren't just shoo-ed out of the bar in the first place. Why didn't they just say "no women allowed" when we all walked in together? Why did they sit and chat it up with us for hours, smiling, pretending to have a good time with us, when they were only later to complain that it made them feel uncomfortable. Seriously, what the fuck?
I feel that as I become more aware and increasingly more sensitive to this element of Japanese culture, I am simultaneously trying to combat feelings of annoyance because I don't want to close myself off from people just because of differences. On the same hand, I do recognize that I also have kept negative thoughts and opinions locked away in my head, only to complain about it later to another trusted friend, while never considering the consequences of how rude it could be constrewn as being if those opinions were to ever be blown into the air for others to read. I have also partaken in hypocritical behavior, which has now spurred me to try to pay attention to how and when, and to try to cease these actions.
I don't know what I should do, or what I should think. Whenever I try to discuss it with other like-minded gaijin, it ends up turning into a bitch fest that doesn't seem to have any positive result besides blowing off steam. That's not really what I need, I'm able to let my steam out without complaining to others, though it is nice to have someone listen to the stories once in awhile.
However, what I wish for is someone to help me in the search for a way to figure out how to make people understand that it is more hurtful to find out someone is pretending to like you, faking their smiles and laughter than to just have someone flat out ignore you or say, "hey, i don't want to talk to you" or "I don't want you around me". The sentiment is the same, but at least the latter doesn't allow you to build your hopes up that you might be making a real connection with someone, only to later learn that it was fake. The fake politeness seems to be nice, but in reality, it is so goddamn rude. I am not interested in changing this, nor do I think I can, I just want to figure out a way to explain that sometimes rude is just better.
Friday, September 19, 2008
Another Thought on English Education in Japan
Three weeks ago, I grew appalled by how my third year students did not understand my English when I spoke the words "noun", "verb", "adjective". Even when I tried using the words "meishi", "doushi" and "keiyoshi", these seniors at an advanced level high school did not know how to identify them within simple sentences written not only i English, but even in simple Japanese.
Luckily, I am given the freedom to create this class' curriculum, thereby immediately changing course from how to argue and make a speech to how to diagram simple sentences.
I began by defining the 5 easiest parts of a sentence to identify: subject, nouns, verbs, adjectives, and adverbs. Next week, I plan to teach them prepositions and prepositional phrases. By separating each of these by colored chalk and writing simple sentences on the board, we've been spending the last couple weeks of repeatedly underlining all the words in simple sentences in different colored chalk.
Loud cries of "eeeeeeeeeee?" could be heard when I informed them that "could have seen" is all one verb form. Same thing when I told them that "a" and "the" are really just adjectives given the special name "articles". I am making them memorize that adjectives only describe nouns, while adverbs can describe other adverbs, adjectives and verbs. As they grasp the distinctions of which words are which, they have become remarkably good at drawing the adjective arrows towards the noun in which they describe, just as how they've now become able to draw the arrows from the adverb to what it describes.
I wish that I would have known earlier that basic grammar such as this is ignored by the typical curriculum made by the Japanese English teachers, as well as ignored in college entrance exams. Now, i can better understand why my students seem to have little confidence in being able to construct their own sentences. Sure, they are masters at vocabulary and memorizing sentence structures, but when it comes down to making their own sentences, they tend to freeze up.
Another topic that I've been focusing on lately during these grammar lessons is learning how to correctly tell the difference between adjectives such as "excited" and "exciting". There are so many of these, which even my English teachers commonly misuse. The distinction that I've decided to make isn't foolproof, but it has helped clarify about eighty percent of the confusion.
For example....students commonly make mistakes in saying "I'm exciting" when they mean to say "I'm excited". In Japanese, the distinction is made between "wakuwaku suru" and "wakuwaku saseru". The difference lying in whether the feeling is being sent out or sent in. These types of adjectives are extremely difficult for them to distinguish.
The explanation that I have begun using goes like this.
Excited-Exciting, Disgusted-Disgusting, Confused-Confusing, Surprised-Surprising
Making a list of these types of adjectives is recommended. After that, separate "ED" and "ING"
I told them that:
-ED is people adjectives
-ING is a thING adjective----notice ING is in the word "thing"
He is excited about the party.---------ED, people----he
The party is exciting for him---------ING, thing---the party
After multiple examples and exercises, they become experts at making the distinction. Of course, this rule isn't fool-proof, as we native English speakers are aware of. "He" can be "exciting" even if "he" isn't a thing.
Nonetheless, once they become used to the rule, I think it becomes okay to explain the exceptions. Hopefully they will learn to distinguish between the two, almost as if naturally.
Lastly, I have been setting up a kind of "office hours" type thing before the midterm and final exam. I compose a very minor section of the listening portion of their test that covers the material they were supposedly to have learned during TT classes. On the last week of team teaching class before a big test, I have announced a special lunch-time review session where I basically go over exactly what I contribute to the big test. It's a bit of a freebie time where I basically tell them what they need to know in order to get a full mark on my small contribution to the test. The review session has only drawn about ten to twenty students, yet it has steadily grown. Besides that, it gains you points in the eyes of your JTEs that you are committed to helping your students become better test takers.
I wish I had learned these things earlier. I may have been a far better teacher had I done so.
Luckily, I am given the freedom to create this class' curriculum, thereby immediately changing course from how to argue and make a speech to how to diagram simple sentences.
I began by defining the 5 easiest parts of a sentence to identify: subject, nouns, verbs, adjectives, and adverbs. Next week, I plan to teach them prepositions and prepositional phrases. By separating each of these by colored chalk and writing simple sentences on the board, we've been spending the last couple weeks of repeatedly underlining all the words in simple sentences in different colored chalk.
Loud cries of "eeeeeeeeeee?" could be heard when I informed them that "could have seen" is all one verb form. Same thing when I told them that "a" and "the" are really just adjectives given the special name "articles". I am making them memorize that adjectives only describe nouns, while adverbs can describe other adverbs, adjectives and verbs. As they grasp the distinctions of which words are which, they have become remarkably good at drawing the adjective arrows towards the noun in which they describe, just as how they've now become able to draw the arrows from the adverb to what it describes.
I wish that I would have known earlier that basic grammar such as this is ignored by the typical curriculum made by the Japanese English teachers, as well as ignored in college entrance exams. Now, i can better understand why my students seem to have little confidence in being able to construct their own sentences. Sure, they are masters at vocabulary and memorizing sentence structures, but when it comes down to making their own sentences, they tend to freeze up.
Another topic that I've been focusing on lately during these grammar lessons is learning how to correctly tell the difference between adjectives such as "excited" and "exciting". There are so many of these, which even my English teachers commonly misuse. The distinction that I've decided to make isn't foolproof, but it has helped clarify about eighty percent of the confusion.
For example....students commonly make mistakes in saying "I'm exciting" when they mean to say "I'm excited". In Japanese, the distinction is made between "wakuwaku suru" and "wakuwaku saseru". The difference lying in whether the feeling is being sent out or sent in. These types of adjectives are extremely difficult for them to distinguish.
The explanation that I have begun using goes like this.
Excited-Exciting, Disgusted-Disgusting, Confused-Confusing, Surprised-Surprising
Making a list of these types of adjectives is recommended. After that, separate "ED" and "ING"
I told them that:
-ED is people adjectives
-ING is a thING adjective----notice ING is in the word "thing"
He is excited about the party.---------ED, people----he
The party is exciting for him---------ING, thing---the party
After multiple examples and exercises, they become experts at making the distinction. Of course, this rule isn't fool-proof, as we native English speakers are aware of. "He" can be "exciting" even if "he" isn't a thing.
Nonetheless, once they become used to the rule, I think it becomes okay to explain the exceptions. Hopefully they will learn to distinguish between the two, almost as if naturally.
Lastly, I have been setting up a kind of "office hours" type thing before the midterm and final exam. I compose a very minor section of the listening portion of their test that covers the material they were supposedly to have learned during TT classes. On the last week of team teaching class before a big test, I have announced a special lunch-time review session where I basically go over exactly what I contribute to the big test. It's a bit of a freebie time where I basically tell them what they need to know in order to get a full mark on my small contribution to the test. The review session has only drawn about ten to twenty students, yet it has steadily grown. Besides that, it gains you points in the eyes of your JTEs that you are committed to helping your students become better test takers.
I wish I had learned these things earlier. I may have been a far better teacher had I done so.
Las Reinas
So yesterday, I rented and watched Elizabeth: The Golden Age, while today I indulged in the Sofia Coppola movie I've been wanting to rent for the past month, Marie Antoinette. Of course, both of these movies focus more on their love lives than the political problems of their day.
Unfortunately, my European historical knowledge is so limited that both movies taught me something about the wars of those eras. In Elizabeth's case, England's disapproval of the Holy Wars headed by the Spanish and the interesting defeat of the Spanish Armada. When watching how crudely people spoke on invading and warring upon each other in God's name, it felt so reminiscent of the ridiculous wars we are fighting in this age.
Then, how the debt and depression in France caused by the Seven Years War, which eventually was blamed on Marie Antoinette's royal spending caused France to revolt against the monarchy. While mostly focusing on fashion and cool indie music from the Eighties, Coppola's Marie Antoinette film did manage to impart some interesting tidbits that can definitely be applicable to the polital and economical problems between the superpower countries of today.
One of the reasons that I am so uninterested in politics and economy is because I feel powerless and insignificant to affect its improvement, nonetheless even minorly change it. Therefore, I revel in my shameful apathy and cover my eyes and ears to everything shouting out its existence.
But, even still, I am not a moron. I may be willfully uninformed, and shamefully evasive...but that doesn't mean that I ultimately don't know or care about the constant, exponential growth toward social meltdown once the "precious" resources we're fighting over become depleted.
My brother will be sent to Iraq in November. Suddenly, I have become a bit more stricken with concern over my country's retarded sense of internationalism. However, I haven't any idea what to do. I don't believe that peace activism really works. I don't believe fear can be lifted, and I certainly don't believe change will come soon.
Honestly, I wish I did. But if those lame movies taught me anything these last two nights, it is that the collective unconscious of man has traveled the same roads for so many years, that the wild nature off in the distance is much too frightening for the masses to follow into.
I wonder if you can believe me when I say that I wish I could believed otherwise.
Unfortunately, my European historical knowledge is so limited that both movies taught me something about the wars of those eras. In Elizabeth's case, England's disapproval of the Holy Wars headed by the Spanish and the interesting defeat of the Spanish Armada. When watching how crudely people spoke on invading and warring upon each other in God's name, it felt so reminiscent of the ridiculous wars we are fighting in this age.
Then, how the debt and depression in France caused by the Seven Years War, which eventually was blamed on Marie Antoinette's royal spending caused France to revolt against the monarchy. While mostly focusing on fashion and cool indie music from the Eighties, Coppola's Marie Antoinette film did manage to impart some interesting tidbits that can definitely be applicable to the polital and economical problems between the superpower countries of today.
One of the reasons that I am so uninterested in politics and economy is because I feel powerless and insignificant to affect its improvement, nonetheless even minorly change it. Therefore, I revel in my shameful apathy and cover my eyes and ears to everything shouting out its existence.
But, even still, I am not a moron. I may be willfully uninformed, and shamefully evasive...but that doesn't mean that I ultimately don't know or care about the constant, exponential growth toward social meltdown once the "precious" resources we're fighting over become depleted.
My brother will be sent to Iraq in November. Suddenly, I have become a bit more stricken with concern over my country's retarded sense of internationalism. However, I haven't any idea what to do. I don't believe that peace activism really works. I don't believe fear can be lifted, and I certainly don't believe change will come soon.
Honestly, I wish I did. But if those lame movies taught me anything these last two nights, it is that the collective unconscious of man has traveled the same roads for so many years, that the wild nature off in the distance is much too frightening for the masses to follow into.
I wonder if you can believe me when I say that I wish I could believed otherwise.
Skirting around my Pride
I lied when I said that I had never failed a test before coming to Japan. In fact, I failed two of my favorite classes during my freshman year at UC Berkeley. Upon graduating as one of the top five from my college preparatory Catholic high school, I boastfully chose four of most difficult freshman courses offered at my new college. Cleverly regarded as weeder classes, Calculus One B and Chemistry were two of the most challenging things that I had attempted thus far. Throughout the semester, the difficulty of the classes was far superior to anything I had experienced in my lame ass high school classes where I easily passed most tests with minimal study.
However, these classes at Berkeley opened a whole new playing field of difficulty for me. These classes required me to sit through lecture confused as fuck, barely able to even take notes for I slowly began to realize that my previous experience in these fields were positively rudimentary compared to what others of my caliber were used to. I remember that early summer week vividly--as I was a Spring admit---....as I ditched the two final exams which a passing grade was dependent upon passing. I sat in my dark room, drinking white wine and listening to the Cure's Disinegration album while I watched the clock mark the passing of time that embodied my exam period. I felt a sense of urgent disappointment, yet drowned it out with alcohol and phone conversations with a friend from home.
So yes, I have failed before. Twice.
However, since I have come to this country, I have yet again experienced the uncomfortable realization that I am yet again underqualified to keep up with the status quo. Upon trying to take a language test of which I tried my hardest to study and master, I failed. And now, yet again, as I just recently attempted for my third try....I failed my driver's test. Please keep in mind that I have been driving since I was sixteen. That's thirteen years now. In California, my driving record is flawless, which is surprising considering how many nights I drove home under the influence of severe amounts of alcohol. Despite my ability to operate a motor vehicle even in the condition of drunkenness, I still have not been able to successfully pass the Japanese Driver's license test.
I was fully warned that life would be hard for me in Japan. However, nothing yet has been so successful in stripping me of my feeling of adulthood than living in this country. Here, I can barely read, barely write, barely speak....and yet, I love it and have not made any plan to leave.
Who am I?
This is who........a pic of my third failure on the Shizuoka driving course.
However, these classes at Berkeley opened a whole new playing field of difficulty for me. These classes required me to sit through lecture confused as fuck, barely able to even take notes for I slowly began to realize that my previous experience in these fields were positively rudimentary compared to what others of my caliber were used to. I remember that early summer week vividly--as I was a Spring admit---....as I ditched the two final exams which a passing grade was dependent upon passing. I sat in my dark room, drinking white wine and listening to the Cure's Disinegration album while I watched the clock mark the passing of time that embodied my exam period. I felt a sense of urgent disappointment, yet drowned it out with alcohol and phone conversations with a friend from home.
So yes, I have failed before. Twice.
However, since I have come to this country, I have yet again experienced the uncomfortable realization that I am yet again underqualified to keep up with the status quo. Upon trying to take a language test of which I tried my hardest to study and master, I failed. And now, yet again, as I just recently attempted for my third try....I failed my driver's test. Please keep in mind that I have been driving since I was sixteen. That's thirteen years now. In California, my driving record is flawless, which is surprising considering how many nights I drove home under the influence of severe amounts of alcohol. Despite my ability to operate a motor vehicle even in the condition of drunkenness, I still have not been able to successfully pass the Japanese Driver's license test.
I was fully warned that life would be hard for me in Japan. However, nothing yet has been so successful in stripping me of my feeling of adulthood than living in this country. Here, I can barely read, barely write, barely speak....and yet, I love it and have not made any plan to leave.
Who am I?
This is who........a pic of my third failure on the Shizuoka driving course.
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