Friday, September 19, 2008

Skirting around my Pride

I lied when I said that I had never failed a test before coming to Japan. In fact, I failed two of my favorite classes during my freshman year at UC Berkeley. Upon graduating as one of the top five from my college preparatory Catholic high school, I boastfully chose four of most difficult freshman courses offered at my new college. Cleverly regarded as weeder classes, Calculus One B and Chemistry were two of the most challenging things that I had attempted thus far. Throughout the semester, the difficulty of the classes was far superior to anything I had experienced in my lame ass high school classes where I easily passed most tests with minimal study.

However, these classes at Berkeley opened a whole new playing field of difficulty for me. These classes required me to sit through lecture confused as fuck, barely able to even take notes for I slowly began to realize that my previous experience in these fields were positively rudimentary compared to what others of my caliber were used to. I remember that early summer week vividly--as I was a Spring I ditched the two final exams which a passing grade was dependent upon passing. I sat in my dark room, drinking white wine and listening to the Cure's Disinegration album while I watched the clock mark the passing of time that embodied my exam period. I felt a sense of urgent disappointment, yet drowned it out with alcohol and phone conversations with a friend from home.

So yes, I have failed before. Twice.

However, since I have come to this country, I have yet again experienced the uncomfortable realization that I am yet again underqualified to keep up with the status quo. Upon trying to take a language test of which I tried my hardest to study and master, I failed. And now, yet again, as I just recently attempted for my third try....I failed my driver's test. Please keep in mind that I have been driving since I was sixteen. That's thirteen years now. In California, my driving record is flawless, which is surprising considering how many nights I drove home under the influence of severe amounts of alcohol. Despite my ability to operate a motor vehicle even in the condition of drunkenness, I still have not been able to successfully pass the Japanese Driver's license test.

I was fully warned that life would be hard for me in Japan. However, nothing yet has been so successful in stripping me of my feeling of adulthood than living in this country. Here, I can barely read, barely write, barely speak....and yet, I love it and have not made any plan to leave.

Who am I?

This is who........a pic of my third failure on the Shizuoka driving course.

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