Where does it come from?

1987
Me: Get out of here.
Ricky: Mom, Ronell won't play with me.
Mom: Ronell, play with your brother.
Ricky: (satisfied smirk)
Me: Oh, alright. I learned a new game today at school. Want to play?
Ricky: What is it?
Me: It's a card game. Go get the cards.
Ricky: Okay.
Me: No, the good deck.
Ricky: Here.
Me: Okay, the game is called 52 card pick up. I don't know...are you going to understand the rules?
Ricky: Yes, yes.
Me: Are you sure?
Ricky: I want to play 52 card pick up.
Me: Okkkkk. (Throws cards in a swirl)
Ricky: (confused look)
Me: Well, pick them up.
Ricky: (confused look)
Me: That's the game, Ricky. Now pick them up or else I'll tell Mom you're cheating and that's why I don't play with you.
Ricky: (cries)

End result: I get in trouble.

1991
Me: Hey Ricky, I have a good idea.
Ricky: What?
Me: Let's put Alex in the bathtub.
Ricky: How?
Me: Well, we can pick him up on the sheet he's sleeping on, and carry him into the bathroom and put him in the tub.
Ricky: Okay.
Alex: (cries)

End result: Ricky and I get in trouble.

Ronell: Get out of here.
Ricky: Get out of here.
Rayna: Mom, Ricky and Ronell won't play with me.
Mom: You guys, play with Rayna.
Ronell: Hey Ricky, I have an idea.
Ricky: What?
Ronell: Let's play Ocean Swirl.
Rayna: I want to play Ocean Swirl.
Ronell: Okay, Ricky, pick her up and hold her upside-down.
Ricky: (does this)
Ronell: Now let's go over to the bathroom.
Ricky: Ohhhh, Ocean Swirl.....
Rayna: (upside-down) I don't want to play Ocean Swirl anymore.
Ronell: No, you'll like it.
Ricky: (holding her over the toilet)
Ronell: Now, you drop her and I'll flush, and we'll send her on an Ocean Swirl
Rayna: (cries)

End Result: Ricky and I get in trouble.

2006
Ronell: Hey, just thought I'd warn you, Mom still gets your some of your mail and you got a letter saying you owe 843$ in back taxes.
Ricky: What are you talking about?
Ronell: Well, mom opened it since it looked official.
Ricky: Are you fucking kidding me? Fuck!
Ronell: Ya, that sucks. I gotta go.

Ricky: Ya Mom, I'm gonna go pick up that letter from the tax guys.
Mom: What are you talking about?

End result: Ricky hides my car stereo from me.

2006
Me: That's a funny picture you posted on your myspace.
Cynthia: I don't have a myspace.
Me: Ya you do, I'm on your top 8.
Cynthia: No, I don't have a myspace.
Me: Are you serious? How weird.
Cynthia: Wait a second, how long have I had a myspace?
Me: I don't know. But now that I think about it, I guess you wouldn't post such embarrassing pictures of yourself.
Cynthia: Dad, I'm going on your computer.
Me: His computer is broken right now. But I'll show you later on mine.
Cynthia: Dad, did you hear what Ronell said? There's a myspace of me that I never created.
Dad: That's really strange, Cynthia.
Me: Hey....I bet Alex made your myspace. Those bulletins from you ARE a bit personal, probably only things he would know.
Cynthia: Bulletins like what?
Me: I don't know, personal stuff, like your pooping strategies.
Cynthia: WHATTT?!?!? Give me your computer, I want to look at it.
Me:Okay
Cynthia: Dad, Alex made a myspace pretending to be me and posted a bunch of embarassing things about me!
Dad: What?
Cynthia: Ya, that jerk.
Dad: You know what? I'm gonna call that little son-of-a-bitch.
Dad: (dials number)
Me: Uhhhhhh, just kidding. I made that up.
Dad: What?
Cynthia: What?
Cynthia: cries

End result: I get in trouble.

1983
Mom: Get out of here, you'll get all wet.
Me: What are you doing?
Mom: I'm cleaning Carrot's cage.
Me: Where's Carrot?
Mom: In the house, now get away from the water. I don't want you to get your clothes wet.
Me: I bet I can fit in Carrot's cage.
Mom: No, it's wet, and it's dirty.
Me: But you cleaned it!
Mom: It still has rabbit germs. Don't get inside.
Mom: (walks away)
Me: (gets inside)
Mom: (returns)
Mom: What the hell did I tell you?
Me: Look Mommy, I'm Carrot. I'm a rabbit!
Mom: You want to be a rabbit?
Me: Yes!
Mom: Okay, then you are a rabbit.
Mom: (locks cage)
Mom: (walks into house)
Me: (waits a minute or two)
Me: (Cries)

1993
Me: I think you're driving too fast.
Mom: Well, I've gotta go to the bathroom.
Me: Me too.
Mom: (parks car)
Me: (runs into house)
Me: (runs into bathroom)
Mom: Hurry up!
Me: Ahh, what a nice lovely pee.
Mom: Hurry the fuck up!
Me: Trickling down the spout like a beautiful waterfall.
Mom: (Enters bathroom)
Mom: (Pulls down pants)
Mom: (Pees on me)

1996
Me: (walks into the house)
Mom: You are punished for a month.
Me: What? Why?
Mom: I got your report card today in the mail.
Me: Ya, so?
Mom: You got 3 C's.
Me: Shut up, no I didn't.
Mom: Don't tell me to shut up, and yes you did!
Me: Let me see.
Mom: I already put it away.
Me: In what classes?
Mom: Math, History and PE
Me: That's impossible, my teachers told me my grades.
Mom: Well, that's what your report card said, so you're punished until you get those grades up.
Me: Mr. Salvador, can i talk to you for a moment?
Mr S. Sure.
Me: You told me that I got an B in this class but my report card showed a C.
Mr S. No, you got a B.
Me: Are you sure?
Mr. S: Yes, I'm sure.
Me: Mom, I talked to all my teachers, and I didn't get any C's.
Mom: I know, you got 2 A's and a B.
Me: Huh, how did you know?
Mom: I just told you that so you'd try harder.
Me: But, you said I was punished.
Mom: Well, I don't want you on the phone so much, so you're still punished. You ought to have straight A's anyway.


I'm going home this November. I can't wait!